The Trip 2010

The trip


On my way into Chicago via Amtrak,
I passed our for a brief spell.
I was unable to respond
when the conductor came around for tickets
so they called security
and tossed me off the train.
Fortunately, I landed on some soft grass
and rolled down
into a cold Rocky mountain lake.
The shock of the cold water woke me up
immediately.
However I had no memory of where I was
or even who I was.
So I looked around and noticed
that I was in the woods.
I noticed I was crawling around
on all fours.
So I must be some kind of wild animal.
Then I felt the need to relieve myself
and moved off into the woods.
I thereupon concluded that
I must be a bear.
Being a bear and and being hungry,
I headed off to search for a picnic basket.
Alas, there were few to no picnickers
in the woods high on the Rocky mountains
at that time of year.
I was forced to grub for roots and berries.
Which I did not like!
Soon, however I came upon a ranger station
and mirable dictu, a dumpster!
I didn't like what I found there either.
The station was closed,
so there was no ranger to eat.

I began to doubt my ursine identity.

But when I looked around
I was still in the woods,
still on all fours,
still seeking sustenance from dumpsters
and picnic baskets.

The evidence was irrefutable.

Then it occurred to me to wonder
about the time of year.
There was snow on the ground!
It was winter!
I should be sleeping!
I immediately commenced a search
for the nearest cave.
Which I found with little effort.
I had to chase out a somnolent cougar.
But that is no real problem for a bear.

Unfortunately I only managed about ten hours
of much needed rest before my wrist watch
alarm woke me (I must have forgot to set it
for April).
Then, as I was stretching and yawning
and preparing to go out for a breakfast
of grubs ant ants from a nearby rotten log,
I became aware of a long rumbling
and shaking of the ground beneath my feet.
I started to hear a strange sounds,
almost like human voices.
Then, to my horror, a mysterious hand
reached out of the darkness
and grabbed me by the shoulder
and started shaking me vigorously.
Louder and louder the voice became.

Sir...sir, the voice intoned, would you
like to make your dinner reservation now?

Amtrak, a great way to travel!


Doug Palmer April 2010

Posted over on Feel Free To Laugh