image borrowed from bing
2Retaliate
never lie down in abysmal darkness,
badgered by bullies, under damn duress.
Darwin may have figured it out all wrong,
for one can survive with bars from Pan’s song
humming on our pursed lips, while turning cheek,
owning our pain, not accepting the meek
label forced raw upon our puerile person;
we search for compassion, find mostly none,
we open our arms, aching warm and wide,
allowing their bile welcome access inside;
we know we are not a flesh-bone doormat,
so we change bellicose to pesky gnat;
we retaliate with a genuine smile
as contagion, de-fusion for a while.
Glenn Buttkus
May 2012
the more better Clarian Sonnet
And this is better. I like that there is a "song" here. It echoes the reference to the pipes of pan- healing properties evoked through music. It's all a progression. I'm only at stage one of mine gathering reference material. I don't know if I can compress enough not one but two myths. But this is (I repeat myself) a noble and valiant subject. I took it on in a children's book and painted myself into a corner that I couldn't get out of even with a deus ex machina.
ReplyDeleteSo I'm an admirer of these drafts. Well done!
nice...i totally detest bullies man...i was bullied growing up....and i dont mind it one bit when a bully gets taught a lesson...
ReplyDeleteedit...did you mean my or may?
Alright then! I like the way you molded this to the form!
ReplyDeleteCool clarian Glenn...
ReplyDelete…here’s mine…
love it! The world grows ever tougher for our young ones, and I see why when I see the amount of adults who are content to push and bully their way thru life. kudos on the form and A+ on the message. This reader is leaving with disarming smile in tact...off to face some bullies! ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks Brian, the word is "may", and I will fix it now; nice catch.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, Nat, I was too big to bully, but I saw too much of it.
Thanks, Rob.
Marbles, the Form For All, and MTB challenges at dVerse are fun and instructive.
Thanks for looking at both versions, Beaachanny.
Good subject enough said. and still like it.
ReplyDeletehttp://leahjlynn.wordpress.com/
Very well done. Excellent flow.
ReplyDeleteYes, this one works very, very well. Same courageous theme, but you've reworked things so that the progression is tighter, the flow more musical, the imaging more succinct and therefore more powerful.
ReplyDeleteYea I kicked many asses before Buttkus kicked mine, as he continues to do.
ReplyDeleteWhy are there two of my comments? I only posted one. Someone's goin' down for this!!!!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant! And I agre that it's veen better than the other; also the bing image is stronger I think.
ReplyDelete