Wingless

image borrowed from dailymail.co.uk

Wingless

“I guess most of us has a bird urge when they look down

heights, a desire to jump, without wings or buoyant sail.”

--Kari Amruta Patil.

For much of my life, I have been OK with heights--

    even though I must say I was intrigued, looking 

          over the edge of high buildings, cliffs, and bridges,

               when I would feel an intense desire to leap off, just

          for the fun, the excitement, a sort of avian madness.

    I also noticed that my feet would tingle strongly

at such times--

                               but I was never comfortable in high places,

                          was aways envious of those among us with a

                     head for heights--Mohawk Indian steeplejacks,

                                                 mountain climbers,

                                                 hot air balloonists,

                                                 wind turbine repairmen,

                                                 wing walkers & pilots,

                                                 tightrope & trapeze performers,

                                                 bridge painters, and

                                                 skyscraper window washers.

About three decades ago I began to develop weak knees & 
ankles, experiencing poor balance issues; about the same
time that I quit having flying dreams--you know, where
one just leaps into the air, stretches out their arms &
begins flying, soaring over the trees & buildings. I
certainly was sad to lose that aspect of dreamscape.

Soon after that I began having bouts with vertigo whenever 
I just glanced at things near high places. If I’m driving, I
have to shift my focus to the road directly in front of me. If
I’m walking, it nearly stops me in my tracks. I once tried to
walk across a deserted railroad bridge. You could look down
hundreds of feet between the tracks. Thirty feet onto it, I felt
suddenly paralyzed, & had to crawl back to safety.

I’m told that this is my body compensating for my 
proprioceptive dysfunction, that presently I am now a part of
the 2% of the population with Acrophobia--just driving over
the Tacoma Narrows bridges makes me grit my teeth.

Though my fear of heights

is not extreme, it really

can be quite bothersome.

Glenn Buttkus

Posted over at dVerse Poets Pub