Monday, December 10, 2007

Lord Mickastram


Mickett:

My God, sir, I had no idea that you and I had such a past. Metaphysically, I do believe in past lives, and you and I clicked from day one --but I had no idea that you had such magnificent recall, such genetic memory of our past. Perhaps you were the King's Jester there in Camelot, or was it Nottingham or Buckingham? Truthfully, I do "feel" that I had past lives in England, and especially in Scotland. Although I have never set foot there in this life, everytime I see parts of it in movies, the highlands and the loches, I feel strong tinglings of deju vu. It started years ago with the first HIGHLANDER in 1986. I felt it while watching BRAVEHEART, and the marvelous remake of ROB ROY with Liam Neeson and Tim Roth.

Who said,"Women are like elephants. They are interesting to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one." ?

Ah THE MARX BROTHERS, quite a phenomenon. Terrific facts about Dick Cavett's father. But hell, the Marx Brothers were doing Vaudeville in 1915. When did his Dad see them? It must have been one of their first films, like THE COCOANUTS (1929). That pickle commercial was a classic. The animated character was a stork, I believe, with the bushy eyebrows and thick moustache. I think it was for VLASIC PICKLES. "Say the magic word, and we'll give you a hundred dollars", the Duck would say, or Groucho would say before the Duck dropped down with the word in his beak. Yes, you're right, from 1947-1956, Groucho's announcer was always George Fenneman. Did Groucho smoke Roi-Tans? I thought he smoked Cuban cigars. Maybe Roi-Tan was one of his sponsors. The only sponsor I remember from YOU BET YOUR LIFE was Gilette Blue Blades. Groucho always said,"What this world needs is good ten cent cigar, and a better shave." Yes, they say that both Chico and Harpo were incredible womanizers, but Groucho never was. Hey, I get no kudos for guessing Gummo?

Now as to William Claude Dunkenfield, aka W.C.Fields. While he was doing Vaudeville around the turn of the last century, he was often billed as Charles Boyle, or Otis Criblecoblis, or my favorte Mahatma Karro Jeeves. Glancing at his character list one finds a host of "euphonious appellations", like Professor Enstance McGargle, Dilwig the Druggist, Elmer Prettywillie, Gabby Gilfoil, Mr. Snavely, J. Effingham Bellweather, Rollo La Rue, Wilkins Macawber (in DAVID COPPERFIELD, his only film role where he did not ad lib his lines), Augustus Q. Winterbottom, Cornelius O'Hare, Professor Henry R. Quail, C. Ellsworth Stubbins, Harold Bissonette, Ambrose Wolfinger, T.Frothingill Bellows, Egbert Souse',
Larson E. Whipsnade, Mr. Postewhistle, and many others. There is a great story about him in Vaudeville. In the middle of his act some scenery fell over backstage with a terrible crash. He looked at the audience, and whispered," Mice!". It got a tremendous laugh. In January 1915, at the Orpheum Theatre in Columbus, Ohio, Fields was on the bill with the Marx Brothers. He followed them. He was doing a "silent" juggling act at that time. The Marx brothers were so loud, so zany, and funny, his act tanked. So he faked a broken wrist and quit. Later he said,"The Marx Brothers were the only act I could never follow." "Bill" Fields played the Zeigfeld Follies from 1915-1921. By 13, living on his own, thrown out by his alcoholic father, Fields had become an accomplished juggler and pool player. His first film was THE POOL SHARK (1915). It was said that Fields was such an incredible juggler that he could juggle anything he could lift. While in Europe before WWI, he played Buckingham Palace on the same bill as Sarah Bernhardt. He did a show at the Follies Bergere on the same bill as Charlie Chaplin and Maurice Chevalier. He called Chaplin,"The best ballet dancer in the world." Fields was an accomplished Cartoonist as well, and he designed many of his own movie posters. He always included drawings and cartoons on his cards and letters. He did a ton of radio shows with Edgar Bergan on THE CHARLIE McCARTHY SHOW. I have heard some radio tapes of them. They were hilarious. He just ad libbed them. He was considered for the Frank Morgan part in THE WIZARD OF OZ (1939). Wouldn't that have been something? Bert Lahr and W.C.Fields, what a lark! In the comic strip THE WIZARD OF ID, there is a lawyer character drawn to look like Fields, named Larson E. Pettifogger. Fields has a medical syndrome named after him, Rhinoplaymia, or roscea of the nose, common to alcoholics, is called the "W.C.Fields Syndrome". It is said that he once slipped several slugs of gin into Baby LeRoy's milk bottle, and the kid got shit-faced. They had to shut down the production for the day to sober the kid up. "Do I like children? Ah yes, fried or boiled." Once caught leafing through the bible, he claimed he "was looking for loopholes." By the way, urban myths exist, and stories are told and retold until the truth is hard to ferret out. I always heard, and I have retold this hundreds of times, that Fields always kept his gin in a thermos bottle on the set, and he would sip it continuously. He called it his lemonade. One day he spit it out, and screamed,"Oh no! Some sonofabitch put lemonade in my lemonade!" Keenan Wynn told me that story, about his MGM days. But the research facts say the actual quote was,"What fiend put pineapple juice in my pineapple juice?" I think I like it better my way.

As to the TOPPER trivia. You never took a shot at the 1979 series questions. It was great character actor Jack Warden who played Cosmo. I don't recall the alcoholic St. Bernard's name. By the way, Robert Sterling was first married to Anne Southern in the 1940's, and their daughter is actress, Trisha Sterling. He must have been quite a good looking stud. The Studio tried to use in those Robert Taylor roles when Taylor went into the military. He met Anne Jeffreys while she was on Broadway in KISS ME KATE. After they worked together in TOPPER, what short-lived TV series did they do together in 1958? Hey, I don't recall Cosmo's Boss's name --lay it on me. In the film I think Alan Mowbray played the part. On the TV series do you remember Kathleen Freeman? Cosmo's wife in TOPPER (1937), TOPPER TAKES A TRIP (1938), and TOPPER RETURNS (1941) was played by the wonderful Billie Burke. Her most famous role was Glenda, the Good Witch of the North in THE WIZARD OF OZ. Ms.Burke was raised in a family of entertainers. Her father was a famous Circus clown, and his character was "Billie Burke". A good Catholic girl, she was christened "Mary William Ethelbert Appleton Burke". She was the toast of Broadway in the early 1900's, was wooed and married Flo Zeigfeld in 1914. So she probably knew Chaplin, the Marx Brothers, and W.C. Fields. Her first film was PEGGY (1916). She farted around with a career for ten years, being a big silent screen star; and then she retired. But after the stock crash in 1929, she and Flo Ziegfeld were dead broke. He had a nervous breakdown, so she had to return to work in the new "Talkies" in 1934. Ziegfeld died a broken man in 1932. She continued to do Broadway and films for 50 years, finishing up with John Ford's SGT. RUTLEDGE (1960). She died in 1970. She once said,"Age is something that doesn't matter --unless you are a cheese.". She was also famous for saying,"To survive in Hollywood one must have the ambition of a Latin American revolutionary, the ego of a grand opera tenor, and the physical stamina of a cow pony." I think she was also in THE FATHER OF THE BRIDE (1950), with Spencer Tracy and Elizabeth Taylor; and the sequel. Quite an old broad actually. She, at 74, played Mrs. Cordelia Fosgate in SERGEANT RUTLEDGE (1960).

And speaking of SERGEANT RUTLEDGE (1960), my old pal Woodrow Wilson Woolwine Strode was remarkable in it. He should have been given an Oscar nod. Now who were the two white actors who played the leads; both veterans of other John Ford films? What black football player made his debut as one of the cavalrymen? What veteran character actor, a regular in the John Ford group of stock actors, played Laredo, and did it as a favor, so it is uncredited? Strode must have been a black Adonis in the 30's and 40's.He was born in 1914, and died in 1994, blind from Glaucoma, playing the almost blind undertaker and coffinmaker Charlie Moonlight in THE QUICK AND THE DEAD (1995), with Russell Crowe before his big break in LA CONFIDENTIAL. Strode was an all-star football player and track star at UCLA in the 1930's. An interesting bit of trivia. He knew Jesse Owens. Strode actually posed for two paintings that were commissioned by Adolf Hitler to be used at the 1936 Olympic Games in Berlin. He went on to play semi-pro football in Canada, and in 1946 he played for the Cleveland Rams before they moved to LA. He, also, was a pro-wrestler, and I guess hurt Gorgous George in a "bout". When John Ford was ever called a racist, he would respond with,"For Christ's sake, Woody Strode is one of my best friends." On the John Ford documentary done recently on Turner Movie Classics, redone by Peter Bogdanovich, Jimmy Stewart talked, and so did Duke Wayne, about how Ford would harangue and yell at certain actors, just chew their butts in front of the whole crew. While Duke, Jimmy Stewart, and Woody Strode were making THE MAN WHO SHOT LIBERTY VALANCE in 1962, the Duke came to Jimmy and asked him "Why are you never on Ford's Shit List? He never humiliates you?" Stewart crossed his fingers, but in the last week of shooting, during the set up for a scene, Ford came up to Stewart and asked him,"What do you think of Woody Strode's costume?" Stewart looked at him, and said,"Well, it's fine, I guess --but doesn't it look a little like Uncle Remus?" Strode, as you recall was wearing bibbed overalls as Pompey, the Duke's man. Ford threw up his hands, shut down the set, had the whole crew gather around, while he humiliated Stewart for that comment. So it was Stewart's turn in the barrel. That might be where that story started that Stewart was a bit of a racist.

Looking back at our Bogart banter, you never responded to my Bogart imitator questions. In PLAY IT AGAIN, SAM (1972), Bogart was played by Jerry Lacy. In THE MAN WITH BOGART'S FACE (1980), Bogart was played by great imitator Robert Sacchi. A here's a more obscure piece of trivia. In WHITE HUNTER, BLACK HEART (1990) director Clint Eastwood played director John "Wilson", a cover for John Huston. He was in Africa filming what was actually THE AFRICAN QUEEN (1951). They even used the same steamboat that Huston used with Bogie in 1951. The actor who played the "Bogie" part was Richard Vanstone. How's that for hot trivia? Didn't I have a slug of questions as well about the TV Series, SHANE (1966), with John Arthur "David" Carradine. Christopher Shea played Joey, and Jill Ireland played Marian Starrett. Carradine was once quoted as saying, when he was married to Barbara Hershey Seagull, "If you can't be a poet, be the poem." I kind of like that. In 1973, David did a walk on in THE LONG GOODBYE, and played a drunk in MEAN STREETS. I really liked his version of MR. HORN on TV in 1979, with Richard Widmark as Scout Al Sieber. Robert Duvall was great as Sieber in GERONIMO;The American Legend; and do you remember John McIntire playing Al Sieber in APACHE with Burt Lancaster? And yes, great recall of yours on DEAD MEN DON'T WEAR PLAID (1982). Was I correct with the Heinamackafrau?

As to The Jim Bowie of legend, history, and TV and the movies. Man, you really do have the facts. Thanks for sharing. Now as to Bowie on film. I think you are referring to the "bad" film, THE IRON MISTRESS (1952) with Alan Ladd as Jim Bowie. It was a great looking knife, and I liked looking at Virginia Mayo's bosom; but that was about it. Ladd played Bowie like a precursor to Yancy Derringer. Now the TV series, THE ADVENTURES OF JIM BOWIE (1956-1958) had Scott Forbes as Jim Bowie for 52 episodes. It was a 30 minute B&W piece of uninspired Western each week, but it was a place to see Claude Akins, Anthony Caruso, Michael Landon, Denver Pyle, and Chuck Conners in their early roles. Do you remember the silly theme song warbled by the Ken Darby singers? Now, mostly, the character of Jim Bowie only showed up in those plethora of ALAMO flicks, right? Doing some research on it, I will not ask you to fill in actors names. You will just skip over them if you do not complete recall, right? Starting with DAVY CROCKETT AT THE FALL OF THE ALAMO (1926), we had Bob Fleming as Jim Bowie, and Cullen Landis as Davy Crockett. There was MARTYRS OF THE ALAMO (1915) with Douglas Fairbanks, Sr. in a walk on, with Alfred Paget as Jim Bowie, and Allen Sears as Davy Crockett. HEROES OF THE ALAMO (1937) with Roger Williams as Jim Bowie, and Lane Chandler as Davy Crockett. MAN FROM THE ALAMO (1953), with Glenn Ford, and no Jim Bowie, with Trevor Bardette as Crockett. From Disney, we got DAVY CROCKETT: KING OF THE WILD FRONTIER (1954), with stalwart Fess Parker as Davy, and great character actor Kenneth Tobey as Jim Bowie. There was the excellent film, THE LAST COMMAND (1955) with Sterling Hayden as Jim Bowie, and Arthur Hunnicutt as Davy Crockett. Bringing us to Brackettville, TX and directors John Wayne, helped by John Ford in THE ALAMO (1960), with the Duke as Davy, and Richard Widmark as Jim Bowie. There was a good TV movie, THE ALAMO: 13 DAYS TO GLORY (1987) with James Arness as Jim Bowie, and the great Brian Keith as Davy Crockett. At the Imax theater in San Antonio, they play ALAMO: PRICE OF FREEDOM (1988), with Steve Sandor as Jim Bowie, and Merrill Connally as Davy Crockett. Then earlier this year, there was THE ALAMO (2006), with Jason Patric as Jim Bowie, and Billy Bob Thornton doing great work as Davy Crockett. And hell, I almost forgot my pal, Patrick Duffy's mini-series, TEXAS (1994), with David Keith as Jim Bowie, and John Schneider as Davy Crockett. Can you think of any more? There probably are tons of them in B Westerns if you dig far enough.

On DECEMBER BRIDE & PETE AND GLADYS, do I receive kukos for my answers. Yes, it was Verna Felton who played the wisecracking neighbor. Shame on you for mixing up your Morgans. It was the great Harry Morgan who went on to play Pete in the spin-off series. Cliff Norton was on THE SID CAESAR SHOW in 1958, and THE JACK BENNY SHOW in 1963, and a ton of television roles, but he was never Pete; that was Harry. Yes, it was Henry Travers who played Clarence. Thanks for finally telling me the horse names; El Loco, the Pancho palomino, and El Diablo as Cisco's pinto. I really never knew that. And I usually pay attention to horse's names. Kudos on remembering Charlton Heston as Old Hickory in THE PRESIDENT'S LADY, with Susan Hayward, before she caught cancer in St. George, Utah, filming Dick Powells THE CONQOURER, with the Duke and Pedro Armendariz. Powell, Armendariz, and the Duke all got cancer while in that government radio active wasteland.

Thanks for all the kind words RE my film comments and review of FAST FOOD NATION. I am serious about having 75 more of them, if you want to read some. It will be an "education", believe me. Although it might be kind of hard on your eyes. You might have to print them out and use the CCTV. That would be cool.

Asolute kukos getting from Judy Garland to Lloyd Nolan. You did a "very" creative job:
Judy Garland singing to a picture of Clark Gable in BROADWAY MELODIES OF 1938.
Gable in "a Wallace Beery" film being screened in the ward room in WINGS OF EAGLES with John Wayne. Duke in ISLAND IN THE SKY with Lloyd Nolan. Man, I dig it!!!
Now, my way was a little more straight forward:
Judy Garland in THE WIZARD OF OZ (1939) with Ray Bolger.
Ray Bolger in FOUR JACKS AND A JILL (1944) with Desi Arnez.
Desi Arnez in BATAAN (1943) with Lloyd Nolan.

Now, my nipple mutilator is also tough. Hey, no kudos for me for getting from Brian Donlevy to Brian Dennehy? Now, let's see, to get from Mickey Rooney to George Hamilton.
Mickey Rooney in BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S (1961) with George Peppard.
George Peppard in HOME FROM THE HILL (1960) with George Hamilton
OR George Peppard in THE VICTORS (1963) with George Hamilton.

Your assignment is to get from Paul Lynde to Neville Brand.

Who said, in what film,"Death ends a life. But it does not end a relationship which struggles on in the survivor's mind toward some resolution which it may never find."

Big Hugs from Barrabacus, or Buttarabbas.

Mick wrote:

I just have to let you know that I am privy to and have long suspected that you, Sir Glenster of Shire, have had sundry past lifes which gives some account of your versatility and multible talents! Sir Glenster are you aware that you were the one holding the sword which you graciously handed to King Richard the Lionhearted as he Knighted Sir Robin of Loxley not for his deeds of preseving his home powers over the evil, treacherous and deceitful ways of his younger brother, the infamous Prince John and the on the take nefarious Sheriff of Nottingham, as history has led us to believe while he was away on the Crusades, but for your magnificent work and Robins not interfering in your servicing the quintescential essence of female pulchitrude none other than the mysterious Maid Marion who you were able to penetrate the unpenatrable chastity belt created to protect her virtue.

As the inimitable General Patton declared, "All fortresses are but a monument to man's stupidity, anything man can build man can penetrate!" when men such as Jake, Elwood and yourself who are eternally "On a mission from God" are concerned. That is why that in the very near future I will have at my disposal as one of my powers to bestow upon you kind Sir; the Gene Herschoult Humanitarian Award for your outstanding achievments in the field of Human endeavors along with the Congressional Medal of Honor! You rascal, good work with Marion, I always knew you had a keen eye for the ladies.

Yes, the Marx Brothers and Mom, Min, were a true work of art! I heard Dick Cavett tell of when his father and everybody else in the movie theatre during the depression in Omaha Neb. first saw the Marx Brothers there was total silence for the first few minutes because there had never been anything like them befor and nobody knew how to react to them and then magically everybody simultaneously broke out with uproarious laughter and the world has never been the same since. That interview with Cavett was classic, and so is the Classic Pickle commercial with Grouchos character and voice. I saw Groucho on one of his tv reruns do his rendition of Lydia the Tatooed Lady which was introduced by George Fetterman who did a great job as his straightman and announcer. Say the secret word, a common household word used in every day language and win $100 from the duck that fell out of the sky that bore a remarkable resemblance to Groucho and even smoked one of his favorite Roi-Tan cigars. Do you recall who his first sponsor was for You Bet Your Life? In the Cavett interview do you recall of how he was kicked out and banned from the Lemington Hotel in my home town Mpls, Mn. which is still there and rich in history. Groucho said they made the last of their movies to pay off Chicos gambling debts because the Racketts were going to lean on Chico very hard. Chicos wife knew about all his womanizing but still made the remarkable comment "every time he returns and walks across the kitchen floor my heart skips a beat." It was said that Chico could charm you beyond belief. Groucho never forgot how poor the whole family was when they were young and how Min would take in laundry to pay for their music lessons and what the young Jewish boys had to do to make ends meet and he was always paranoid about poverty which is why the boys let him handle the vaudeville money, ergo, the groucho bag. When he finally had his house in Hollywood he unscrewed the light bulbs in the rooms that no one was using so nobody would run up his electric bill by leaving unwanted lights on. He also took a trip with three other show biz friends to Yellowstone National Park later in life and his friends remarked how he took along a bag of sandwhiches and an apple because he never forgot his poverty beginnings. W. C. Fields and Chico were good friends and WC also used a host of euphonious appellations in his movies, my favorite being Cuthbert J Twilly, "I'd rather have two woman at twenty than one at forty." I wonder just how many tricks the boys played on the old fat broad, on and off camera, Margaret Dumont.

The Kirbys on the tv Topper were played by Robert Sterling and Anne Jeffries, who were married in real life. What was the name of their alchoholic Saint Bernard that always had a huge flask of brandy around his neck? What was Cosmos boss name on that show and what was his wifes real name and what part did she play in what movie that she will always be remembered for? Kudos on Steve Martins cleaning lady and Rachel Wards bullet sucking ability which she remarked came in handy: Now thats good writing and your right about Reiner and Martin must have had a blast with that one. They co wrote and starred in it and it must be great to do and act out your own work! That scene with Edward Arnold with Martin and his puppy after he remarks about making soup with Lanas panties was topped off by leaving and going in the lobby and giving the puppy away to one of the secretaries and giving the bag of puppy doo doo to the other secretary.

Yes, Jim Bowie is one of my favorite top 5 Americans in it's illustrious history who was a maverick and very unscroupulous in his business dealings but in my opinion he was just a product of his times and was very oppurtunistic, ambitious and creative in amassing his fortunes especially in his land speculations. More than anything else he was the preeminent and paramount Soldier of Fortune which down deep all good men secretly aspire to be! Before the Alamo he had made many friends and enemies with the Mexican people and was in between, all his other activities, looking for the legendary lost San Saba Silver mines from the Conquistidors days. When he was in cahoots with Jean Lafitte in New Orleans the Bowie Brothers would buy blackmarket slaves that Lafitte brought in from the Carribean Islands: the slave trade was outlawed in the US in 1808 but not owning or selling slaves; so the Bowie boys used this loophole in the law to make it possible for some of the slaves to escape without telling anyone and they would receive the bounty for capturing runaway slaves and resell all those slaves in another jurisdiction who were paying top dollar for slaves, so the Bowie boys made a small fortune from this but true to form Jim Bowie had bigger fish to fry after that venture was used up and that had something to do with the feud and duel between him and Lafittes son which is just one of the times he gave real life legend to the blade which bears his name. Who played Bowie and what was the name of the only movie with Bowie as the main character and who played him in the short-lived tv 50's version. The movie stunk to high heaven and was more of a New Orleans period piece than a Bowie Bio.

I thought Cliff Norton played Pete to Cara Williams Gladys but what the hell do I know? The wise cracking Hilda was played by Verna Felton who was highly thought of and well respected in the show biz world who had done it all; radio, movies and the stage. She was great as the caring neighbor in Picnic. Henry Traverse, who I confused with Frank Morgan as a kid, played Clarence ASII. I was remiss not reporting that Chuck Heston also played Old Hickory in The Presidents Lady with Susan Heyward playing Rachel Jackson. Okay, no more teasing, Ciscos beautiful Pinto was El Diablo and Panchos beautiful Palomino was El Loco.

My first paragraph was dedicated to your talent as a film critic. Have you ever noticed they never say film appraiser just film critic which is why that is used in a sublimamal way to fellow critics like Richard Schickel, Pauline Kael and John Simon to use every polysyllabic word in the English language and take up all the space in the movie review section to criticize, not to be confused with critiqueing, whatever that is, maybe some middle ground of critisizing, to condemn most movies which is why people go anyway but forget whatever the hell it was that the critic said about the film. Oh well, if you guys were called film praisers we could only be resorted to asking for a ticket refund when the filmmakers throw a stinker at us. Keep up your good work under that dubious title film critic but not critical of films, just the facts Maam! Watch out for the Payola bribes but if you must make sure I get my 10% agents fee to keep the scandal from leaking to the press. I know how to handle that end of the business.

The way I went with your nipple hardener is different but I believe in the confines of legality of the game:
Judy was in Broadway Melodrama of 1938 singing Dear Mr Gable to a picture of the King,
the King was in a cameo roll with Wallace Berry in a movie being watched in a screening room by the Duke playing Spig Wead and other navy brass in Wings of Eagles,
Duke was in Island in the Sky with Lloyd Nolan. That was my short way around the barn. Sir Glenster of Shire your Kingly discharge is to get from the diminutive one, Mickey Rooney, to the snobby and hammy George Hamilton.

Regards: Lord Mickastram, sovereign and benevolent laison to his Majesties Court of Devonshire.

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