Oh, Purfle

Oh, Purfle!!


Purfling is indeed a word worthy of
much consideration and repetition.
It has the harshness of scatology
and the mystery of some creative
act, like it might have been a word
used in the kama sutra, or that one
might find stamped on rubber goods
at an adult "love" shop.
It also has a scientific ring to it,
like it was part of a very complete
rendering process, before something
could be put in a cyclotron.
Matter has to go through complete
purfling before anatomically it can
separate its atoms properly.
Or it could be a medical term,
that a purfling clamp must be
used during all rectal reconstruction.
Or it might be a gardening tip,
that when creating hybrids, one
must remember the purfling stage,
when the plant genetics are unstable.
Or it could be a aerodynamic term,
that when your plane begins the
purfling, it must be bailed out of,
because here is no recovery from
purfling; it will tear the wings off.
Or it is a racing term, that when
someone is driving 250mph,
in a tight corner, and their wheels
start purfling, one has to pray
that the lugs will hold, or the
front end will just fly apart.
Or it might be a nautical term,
that when a sailor is tying knots
and they get too tight, and one
cannot untie them, you have to
use the purfling tool to loosen
the hemp. Or it might be a
Drug term, like when you are
cooking meth, and it begins to
turn purple, and starts purfling,
you need to run like hell.
Or it might be a hairdresser's term,
for after one puts their hair in
corn rows, after 3 months, when
the larva begins to develop from
not washing one's hair thoroughly,
the ends begin purfling, and it is
definitely time to unravel the hair.
Or it could be a fishing term,
when deep sea fishing for Marlin,
after you put the flashers and
multi-hooks on your gear, you
put six red balls near the hooks
so that the line will begin
purfling; the Marlin love that.
Purfle Rain by Prince.
Bruises can become purfle.
When a leopard purfles it means
he is ready for love, so look out.
Some crocodiles can purfle just
before they swat you with their
tail. Down in Louisiana some of
the older folks mix molasses and
moonshine, toss in some crayfish,
and hot sause, a dash of dirty rice,
and three pounds of sausage, and
hey you got some fiery purfle
for sure. Sea going tugboats have
a purfle safety valve. When the
valve goes haywire, and the
purfling does not commence,
then the tug runs into oil rigs
in the middle of the night.
In the city park in Austin, TX.
there is a statue of Paul Purfle,
who was one of the smart
dudes who got out of the Alamo
before Santa Ana showed up.
Purfle, Arkansas is known for
its prune bread; best thing there
is for lazy colon, or constipation.
Anacondas, after they swallow
large rodents, have an enzyme
that is created to purfle the
bones of the rodent, so that it
can be digested easily.
There is a card game played in
Algiers, using only 40 cards,
and if you are caught purfling,
they will amputate your little toes.
Llamas have three stomachs;
the middle one purfles the ingested
matter, and this turns into lime-
colored saliva, ready for spitting.
The purfle hat in Boliva is always
bright red with a yellow brim.
Purfling is actually a sexual term,
having to do with one person
defecating on another, with a
third person observing. Pretty
disgusting stuff.
Purfling, I am told, is when you
shave the edge of a pair of dice,
and then weight it with clear
resin so that it will come up
7 or 11 more often.
Purfling is when a dirty boxer rakes
his glove laces over a cut on the
opponent, causing it to bleed more
freely.
Purfling is something that can be done
with champagne sipped out of a woman's
shoe; kind of gurgling and giggling at
the same time.
When some guys get excited while
on a blind date, they talk non-stop,
and sometimes they purfle food
onto the table, or their date;
caused from excess saliva and
stress masked by stomach
acid.
During a yacht race, if a competitor
is in trouble, and wants to stop
the race for a few minutes, he will
raise the Purfle Flag, a pea green
background with a blue turtle
in the foreground.
Back in the late 50's, while
on stage, if you stroked your
crotch too often, it was called
purfling; a move Michael
Jackson turned into a crowd
pleaser.
Purfle is the perfect tie breaker
in a Scrabble game. It is always
challenged, and because it
actually is a word, you get the
advantage immediately.
Believe it or not there is a
Purfle River in Pakistan.
When a speaker or a singer gets
too close to their microphone,
and their tongue thumps the
surface audibly; this is purfling.

Glenn Buttkus

Posted in several places, in several guises, over on Feel Free to Laugh