painting by Jim Clements
Blackthorne
Cinemagenic Eighty-Two
Riposte
“Fencing is a game of living chess.”
--V.E. Schwab
1(two-shot) this dialogue will have the standard
reciprocal shot cuts, over the shoulder of the
character being spoken to (unless there is a
close-up, which will be designated.)
Buck, over Salina’s shoulder: Uh-huh...but what
is important to me is what do you think.
2(close-up) Salina: I think...that I used to find him
interesting. I think he’s changed a lot in the last
year.
Buck: Something turned him mean?
Salina: No, he always had that dark side to him.
Lately, there are shadows on his face all the time.
Finally I see him for who he really is.
3(sound cue) piano & harmonica over the low hum
of shoppers and street noise.
Buck: So you’ve changed, but not him?
Salina: Something like that.
4(close-up) Salina: I haven’t been with him for over
six months.
5(close-up) Buck: Why tell me?
6(two-shot) Salina: Because you wanted to know.
Buck: You seem pretty sure of your self.
Salina: Don’t be silly; life is too short.
Buck: Well, in that case Miss Wallace, may I call
you Salina?
Salina: I would...if I were you.
Buck fingered the sharp edge of the new axe, watching
7(close-up) Salina
her green eyes and full mouth.
Buck, after a moment: Out at my place, someone has
been looking after our family graveyard in my absence.
Would you happen to know anything about that?
Salina: What will you be doing on Saturday night?
Buck: Oh, I don’t know--probably just ride into town
with Johnny and spend some time at Mateo’s.
Salina: There’s going to be a dance at the Grange
Hall.
8(sound cue) banjo & fiddle under the crowd.
Buck: Is there?
Salina: Are you a dancing man, Mister Buck?
Buck: Every twice in a while. Please call me Rod.
Salina: OK, Rod--why don’t you take me to the
dance? It might be fun.
Buck: I don’t know...you’re awfully damn shy.
Salina: Seven o’clock in front of the store.
Buck: Can I bring my dog?
Salina, chuckling: Bring your dog and ride a black
buffalo--I don’t care.
Buck: Alright--seven o’clock then, in front of the
store. (after an awkward moment, while they both
smiled in silence). Still, you never answered my
question.
Salina: Why ask me about your family plot?
Buck: Because the first time I met you, it seemed
like you knew something about it.
9(sound cue) violins & flute.
10(medium close-up) Salina, nodding her head
slowly: It’s no secret--Dad and I watched over it
while you were gone.
11(close-up) Buck, his eyes misty: Thank-you.
Salina: For what?
Buck: For caring enough to do that.
Salina: Shucks, it’s just what decent folks do.
Buck: I guess I’m just not used to being around
decent folks.
Salina: Well, big boy, now you’ve got your chance.
They both laughed. Dad and I both cared a lot
about your father. He was like a shaggy pet bear
with gravel in his voice. I was a teenager when he
got killed. He was kind,and he used to play with
the children in town.
Buck: Play with them?
Salina: Yes--he became very child-like before he died.
Buck: Everyone loves a drunken bear.
12(cut to a medium three-shot) Wallace appeared
suddenly: Your grub is sacked up. What kind of
lumber did you want?
Salina: Dad--Rod is taking me to the dance Saturday.
Wallace, smiling: Uh--Rod, that’ s great. After today
that should tickle the shit out of Thor Bronson.
Buck: You don’t approve?
13(close-up) Wallace, out from beneath his bushy
eyebrows: Hell, it don’t matter a deuce what I want.
She’ll do whatever she pleases anyway--and
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
They all laughed.
So what do you need--joists, planks, shingles?
Buck: Yes, all of that, tramping out the back
door after Henry Wallace.
14(medium close-up) Salina followed them with
her jade eyes.
15(sound cue) clarinet & cello over the crowd hum.
Glenn Buttkus
Posted over at dVerse Poets Pub OLN
14 comments:
Oh this is heating up a lot now... but a murderous Thor will stir some salt in the stew I guess... ha.. but Buck needs a lady too.
I enjoyed the sharp dialogue between Buck and Salina, Glenn.
She certainly doesn't waste any time does she? *wink* enjoyed this one immensly, Glenn 💜
My goodness Salina works quickly! Hopefully buck will get himself a lady *wink wink*
I like how Salina invited Buck to the dance and was taking care of the family plot. I hope things work out for them.
very enjoyable scene. i like the name Thor Bronson, as he sounds like tough competition, but Buck doesn't sound like a pushover either. i like the playful irony in the exchange. there's a homey feel to the whole thing
This is a nice change...a lovely conversation by Rod and very assertive and confident woman Salina. Looking forward to their date night, smiles.
The constant presence of an axe leaves me nervous. You are quite the playwright.
I am so glad I stopped over or I would have missed this one. Are you a dancing man, Mister Buck? They're going dancing at seven o' clock and I had to smile at the image of him riding a black buffalo. Now, the story really heats up and I'm thinking Thor will cause some big trouble.
You are a master story-teller, who knows when and where to add the banjo and fiddle.
Good to read these again!
Ooh, that conversation is so frank and lovely. Love the carefree tone and ots shots, giving a back and forth perspective in visualization as well as in words.
Even though, no doubt, I've missed a bit, I love the crisp, enticing dialogue in this. Maybe for those of us who write fiction, a class on script-writing would be helpful. This scene really drew me in. Glad to see you back with Blackthorne.
Nice work, Glen!
She really is shy isn't she (made me laugh). I like her Dad too. This is fun Glenn, and tender too.
Wonderful dialogue Glenn. Each overly confident keeping it straight and simple yet lively with lots of understanding.Love this kind of friendly posting!
Hank
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