Darkness, Darkness

painting from saatchiart.com

Darkness, Darkness

“Confession is always weakness. A grave soul

keeps its own secrets, and takes its own

punishment in silence.”--Dorothy Dix

Why in hell

do we sometimes fall

into the wrong crowd?

Wanting/needing to belong,

                            to be included,

                            to feel secure,

                            to feel superior?

Any of us could stumble

into this tiger trap, when others

appeal to the demons of our worst nature.

My career as a civil servant started out, of course,

with me being the newbie, searching for my place

at the table. In my department there were three

individuals that seemed to run things, had the place

wired, were privileged, outspoken, and had been

there for years.

I worked hard at being accepted by these chaps,

finally succeeding, becoming a member of the gang.

The downside was that the lynchpin was a devious,

divisive, deeply depressed man, who loved to bully

and belittle others. I allowed myself to become very

arrogant, aggressive, apathetic, mean-spirited and

even dishonest--fitting right in.

Years passed, and the Teflon Don

became the Chief of the Clinic, the Boss.

After succumbing to the darkest imps

and marching lock-step to the boss’s

cruelest urges--I awoke

from my pathetic pretense

and refused to be his lieutenant any longer.

I stood up to him, and called him out

for being the manic ape in the corner office,

ersatz dictator, drunkard, druggie, womanizer,

con man, liar and thief that he was.

He became unhinged, launching

a campaign to get me fired,

turning my supposed friends

against me. In the end, somehow

I withstood the shit storm, and kept

my job. The sycophants treated me

as pariah. I persevered for the long haul,

making it to 25 years of service.

As I retired, I emerged true to my self,

but deeply ashamed

of my sojourn into darkness.

Glenn Buttkus

Confessional Poetry

Posted over at dVerse Poets Pub