Glenn on stage at the Seattle Rep 1974
Player or Putz
“Do not saw the air too much with your hands thus,
but use all gently, for in the very torrent, tempest,
and whirlwind of your passion, you must acquire
and beget a temperance.”--William Shakespeare.
I remember
when the director
of my Acting Conservatory,
lectured to us
regarding auditions,
he told us,
For a while, or for most you during your whole
career, auditions will be the key to your entire
livelihood. Keep in mind, the producer, director,
or agent you are performing for, he or she will
not know who you are, and will see two dozen
actors who look just like you for the part. So you
need an edge. Wear a brightly colored scarf or
shirt. Use your energy, fill the room with who
you are, command the space and the moment.
Take a risk. Wow them, startle them, intrigue
them, even anger them--and somewhere within
your precious few minutes, make them laugh.
For years
I heeded that advice,
and although
I felt pretty good about my performances,
most often,
I did not get cast.
At one audition,
there actually was someone
I knew assisting.
Afterwards, at a bar,
she told me:
Glenn, you need to tone down your auditions.
You come on so strong, you intimidate everyone.
You are a scary sonofabitch. Remember, you want
them to love you, not fear you.
So there it was,
cognitive dissonance
and emotional conflict.
Acting
in theater and films
had always been my dream.
My career, such as it was,
was a slim decade,
but damn it all,
I had accepted the risks,
and struggled to make a living
out of my art--so for a while
I lived my dream.
I just wish that so much of it
was not rejection and heartache.
I waited forty years,
until I retired
before returning to the stage,
and this time
it was a sweet ride.
Glenn Buttkus
Posted over at d'Verse Poet's Pub
14 comments:
Love it when you get personal and bone-marrow real Glenn. This was right there to grasp. I totally understand where you are in here brother, and I feel ya’. I spent the bulk of two decades seriously trying to be a successful singer/songwriter recording artist, with a couple short-lived feeble attempts beyond that. Like you, I had some modest success. For me, as a performer on small band stages in small venues, even a few big stages. But on those my band was the “opening act”. Never got my recording contract. I was even on a couple national hits — but as an unnamed, unknown background singer, never the “star”. But you and I my friend, we keep hangin’ in there, stayin’ alive. We even write some decent stuff time to time. Stuff worth reading, like this piece you wrote — great write, I enjoyed it.
I can't even imagine getting up in front of people and doing auditions with a certain mindset for years only later to be told you were doing it "wrong." What a punch in the gut. So you are back on the stage now? Would love to hear more about it. I know I very much enjoy hearing you read your poetry, you put your heart into it and that is what reaches your audience. F*ck those hollywood people!
I love the photo you included. You had the world by the azz in it.
I love the photo and enjoyed learning more about your background. It's a real story and you didn't hold back. I applaud all the risks you have taken in your career and definitely in your writing! 👏👏
I am glad you got to live your dream, no matter how difficult it was. I think I'm finding that out now with poetry! I imagine there is so much risk in acting. I used to love it at school, then I went to one audition and didn't feel I fit in with all the theatre types, so that was the end for me!
This was interesting to read. I'm also glad that you took those risks and happy to read that there was "a sweet ride" at the end.
The fate of so many actors/musicians I know. But I always admire them for trying to live their dreams. Not trying leaves an ache that will never be filled.
What a wonderful true story. Fascinating, the two completely opposing but powerful bits of advice you got regarding auditions. Surely having that stage presence is what gives you the edge though, so what if it's a bit terrifying?! You need that on stage. Glad it was a sweet ride at the end though :-)
Love this! I have always admired risk-takers and how they pursue their goals and in turn fulfill their dreams. This is truly the way to be- for if not we then who else is there to push through the commentary 'it's not possible/you can't do it.' You, my friend, are an inspiration for us all! 💝💝 Wonderful photo!
I can really feel this... taking the risk of trying is not bad. I once thought I could act, but apart from a few plays at school I never went for it. I remember that when I did, I knew intuitively it was all about trying to be the role, which is a scary thought... some actors will never be able to leave the role they have been given. Maybe the greatest risk with acting is to succeed.
Thanks for sharing, Glenn. My impression is you could "fill a room" without trying, and if that's intimidating it should be their problem, not yours. I would imagine you are welcome to the stage of any local theater!
You take us there, Glenn, and I enjoyed that.
These lines were striking, to me:
"So there it was,
cognitive dissonance
and emotional conflict."
I really love your heartfelt post Glenn. The quote from your teacher and from one who auditioned you was fabulously good advice. I am glad you found a niche you enjoyed later in life! Personal sharing always connects!
finely penned - you indeed brought us in ~
I have often wondered what it is like, the ongoing desire to be cast, the never ending cycle of auditions. It always struck me as something gruelling. You really took me there with you Glenn. Thank you so much for the glimpse of up close and personal.
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