Life in a Lovely Cemetery

Life In a Lovely Cemetery;
a postmodern tale


One hundred and forty nine
light years away;
in the constellation
of Cygnus, in a far away galaxy
a long time ago,
there was a very dangerous
and depressing planet.

*

Cygnus was the third
planet from its sun.
Its inhabitants called the planet
Laevus Levus. It's crust was thin.
It's glaciers were evaporating.
The environment was deteriorating
so bad, there was electricity
for only 4 hours a day.
With no atmosphere
to speak of, everyone went around
with a bad case of sun burn.
What was saddest of all
were the creatures who lived at the top
of the food chain. These creatures
were known as Craps because
they had crap for brains.

*

Poison ivy grew out of their sidewalks
and in their streets.
They had genetically
altered wheat and the genes
mutated into everything else.
If that weren't bad enough,
the Craps were turning their world
into a nuclear waste dump.
Except for the smug little Craps,
all other life forms
were becoming extinct.

*

On this world was a country
unluckier than most.
It was called Ribidus
whose citizens
made a living selling trinkets
and kitchen utensils
made out of depleted uranium.

*

It was a very pious country.
Two major religious groups
comprised a majority of its population.
Sixty per cent were Jokers.
Thirty per cent were Squids.

For hundreds of years
their primary religious activity
consisted in killing and eating
each other for lunch.

*

Adding to the unlucky history
of this country, a new group
with political pretensions
called the Tricksters
had taken to proselytizing
in the streets. The Tricksters believed
in hosting soup kitchens
where they entertained crowds
by blowing everyone up.

*

The country was rich in gas
derived from guano
but most Craps had squat.
Corruption was pandemic
as well as the most popular
social entertainment,
adoringly played
whenever two Craps or more met.

*

The country was ungovernable.
One Crap clan faction after another
took political control and proceeded
to enrich themselves
at the expense of all other Craps in general.

*

Does this sound farfetched?
Sound like Haiti or an African nation?
There are oodles of countries like this
on the planet Earth. Anyway, the military
intervened. A colonel staged a coup.
He ordered fake new elections
but everyone knew
the Tricksters would riot
because they didn't play fair
and had nothing to lose.

*

Things weren't looking good
when to everyone's surprise
from an ocean away,
the Belt Way Hooligans
decided to invade.

*

Who the Belt Way Hooligans were
and what they wanted
is still a matter of debate.
Some said it was guano they were after,
others maintained
it was to make the world safer
for the average Crap
or maybe, they just wanted to build
another nuclear waste dump.

*

The Jokers and the Squids both screamed:
*The Tricksters were inconsequential
till you Hooligans barged in!*
But the Belt Way Hooligans knew better.

*

Better to deal with Tricksters
in a far away, poor country
that didn't have to be poor,
than on the Beltway
where Hooligans drank Champaign
and publicly prayed but held orgies
when no one was looking.

*

These facts are clear.
The Hooligans mobilized
and sent away to slaughter
a gaggle of young Craps.
They spent their national treasure
to support an invasion
that didn't have to take place
and ultimately couldn't be won.
What did it accomplish?

Sure, for a time it made
some Hooligans richer.
But remember, the Hooligans
were just as much Craps
as were the Jokers, Squids
and Tricksters.


Scott Malby 2007

Posted over on Quill and Ink Tales