Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Broken News

image from huffingtonpost.com/news.

Broken News

“I have no time for your fucking negativity.”

Jennifer Lopez’s Abs Game 
              has become Next Level;
She has just completed          a 22-day Vegan diet,
& has been quoted as saying:
              Hey, I really enjoyed it. 
              You never know how good you can feel
                                               until you put healthy food
               into your body.         Well, hell, at 45
years of age she still is holding it all together, 
& getting headlines by flashing her bra & abs. 

Bladerunner, Oscar Pistorius, was sentenced
to five years in prison. He was taken to an overcrowded
                       maximum security facility
                       Kogosi Mampuru II, where
he will be held away 
           from the general population, secondary
                      to his disability & high profile. 
                                He is eligible for parole in ten months,
when he will stay under house arrest for the remainder of 
his term of sentence. 

A Florida sheriff’s deputy is now facing felony charges
after officials         found out        that he accepted
                   oral sex            from a woman
in exchange for not arresting her; imagine that.

Here in WA state,
Gavin Seim, a former congressional candidate
                        flagged down a police officer
who was patrolling in an unmarked car. 
                        In WA, police can only use
                                    unmarked cars for undercover work;
otherwise how can citizens pulled over
                                    by them really know if they are legitimate;
too many thugs out there pulling over women
for robbery, extortion, or rape. 

As I prepare for my next colonoscopy,
                     I read where Andrew Walls, 32, claims
that Delaware surgeons dressed him
                        in sexy pink women’s panties
                        while he was under anesthetic.
The doctors claimed it was simply
                                            an outrageous prank perpetrated
by some of his own unsavory colleagues; regardless,
                        he is suing for extreme emotional distress.
I guess they left out the pantie liner. 

Marion Williams,
a bachelor living in a rural area
            of Northern CA,            suffered a heart attack,
while outside, & died. Shortly after that, his corpse
was dragged off into the woods
           & eaten by a black bear; who stripped
him of his clothes
& feasted on his corpse for several days,
eating 85% of his body;
           Relatives are considering suing
the U.S. Forest Service for gross negligence. 

Jillian Michaels, a weight trainer
          for the TV show BIGGEST LOSER,
says that she is uncomfortable
                                     discussing her 
                                     lesbian lifestyle, 

Breaking News--Famous artist Banksy
                           was not arrested yesterday
at 3 in the morning, supposedly
                           apprehended by the
24 Hour Anti-Graffiti Task Force,
& his name is definitely not
                                      Paul Horner. 
                                      Thank God
it all turned out to be a silly hoax.

Daniela Poggiali,
a critical care nurse in Italy
was arrested for murdering
                      38 of her patients
over a five year period, who simply
                      Annoyed her. 

This is Glenn Buttkus, thank you for joining me this afternoon,
& letting me share the pertinent news of the day.

Would you like to hear the author read this newsworthy poem to you?


Brian Miller said...

you know...if i sat around watching the news all day i think i just might go crazy...and it is crazy what we consider news these days as well...oh my on the panty trick under anesthesia...that is a bit scary...i just might sue for that one as well...

Mary said...

Excellent news tidbits in poetry form, Glenn. You definitely had me captivated as I went through your stanzas. Really upsets me that Oscar Pistorious will be out under house arrest in only 10 months. Fame, I guess. Awful about the critical care nurse in Italy killing 38 patients that annoyed her. I definitely will try not to annoy any nurses if I am in the hospital. Sigh. Didn't know about Jillian Michaels...not surprised though. No excuse to what happened to this Andrew Walls! Thanks for the interesting updates!

Björn Rudberg said...

So many news that we can follow... Many I had not read.. I think the things we get hooked on is really weird sometimes.. I lack sometimes the big pictures.. but those pink panties sounded very weird .. just as suing the forest service for what the bears did...

Abhra Pal said...

You have pulled some extreme news together for your piece - and even I didn't realize that was JLO, when I start reading. So many news, so many subjects to write about.

Gabriella said...

I like the way you mixed quotes and your own words. You mentioned some news items I had not heard of. I hope that I never end up annoying a nurse in a critical care hospital. I'd know the end is nigh...

Anonymous said...

This is more news than I've ingested in probably the past year. I rather prefer your concise rundown, to tell you the truth.

I most liked this section:
"Daniela Poggiali,
a critical care nurse in Italy
was arrested for murdering
38 of her patients
over a five year period, who simply
Annoyed her."

... and the opening about J-Lo, including the inspiring picture and abrasive quote.

I think I've illustrated your point ... that we mainly like to read about "news" that's 1) shallow or 2) shocking, but somewhere "over there, off in the distance" (like Italy) so that we don't have to worry too much.

annell said...

It does seem to have a sameness about it, doesn't it? Or is that a 'nothingness' about it.

Wolfsrosebud said...

it's amazing what makes the news now adays

Grace said...

Thanks for the update on the news around the world Glenn ~ That last piece about the nurse just made me shake my head, wondering where the world is going to ~ Have a good week ~

ayala said...

Great updates and I love that you picked Jennifer Lopez's pic :)

Anonymous said...

humor never plays well in the operating room, especially to the patient - good view of the insanity that surrounds.

Kate Mia said...

A satire here on Truth.. as it is the most outrageous stories.. that get the play.. and the most playful stories.. that get the time on air..
and yeah.. Jenni.. is looking playful in that photo...
smiles..:)vegan or meat eater.. that matters not!..;)

And i think i'll put my colonoscopy off.. another year.....and blame it on the...


Sumana Roy said...

interesting updates...i think the journos are naturally drawn to the weird, bizarre happenings and this world never disappoints them..thanks to our lifestyle...

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

LOL! It's amazing what passing for news these days. And what a fun rendering you've done!

Roslyn Ross said...

You have worked hard. Well done. Sacrificing for your art.

Akila G said...

sometimes i feel my day is better without news and views on them....cluttered....

Anonymous said...

Clever, Glenn. Imagine that.

Anonymous said...

Clever, Glenn. Imagine that.

vb holmes said...

Good encapsulation of the news, Glenn. Poor Andrew Walls, no sense of humor. And great pic of JLo--a bit of sculpting done since I last viewed her.

Arathi Harihar said...

it's a crazy world out there..i think we are better off with writing poetry..smiles..good one Glen

Justin Lamb said...

This is, sadly, a perfect example of most news feeds. All bad stories, mixed with useless celebrity gossip, and no ---I MEAN ZERO-- stories about good, positive things. Ugh...

Justin Lamb said...

On a sidenote: You live in Washington state? I do too. Near Everett.

Anonymous said...

Groovy piece. Love the free flowing form of news just coming at the reader as if it will never stop.

Kathy Reed said...

..just the facts, Ma'm...yes, all true; I've been avoiding the news as much as possible, then will take a day to catch up. Up here on Whidbey they publish the weekly police report: "Elderly woman calls about man looking suspiciious standing on the corner by her house"; woman reports her husband took her collection of record albums and left her; man finds lost kitten, is rewarded by smile of little girl; damage done when elderly man runs into fire hydrant. The Johnson's' and the Woods' families celebrated the wedding of their children in an outdoor wedding last Saturday. Fun was had by all at the local dog parade. etc.....rural news, world news...all to be filtered through our psyches....your choices for the day were accurate, just incredible when one thinks they have heard everything, there's something else to cause anxiety or fear.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Oh. My. Goodness. The two that jump out at me are the slap on the wrist for the wealthy wrong doer when a poor person would be locked up and the key thrown away. Also the bear eating the body and someone wanting to sue the forest service. OMG. Like they can control every wild animal - we cant even control our human population. Good ironic piece, Glenn. This was as disturbing as any regular news cast.

Mystic_Mom said...

Wow you picked some good ones. Bears will eat. Crooks will duck. And being annoyed, while annoying, is not really a good enough reason for serial murder. I like your side bars, would never be bored if you read the news my friend!