Thursday, September 7, 2017

Malaise



image from presidiacreative.com


Malaise

The strongest people are those who win
battles we know nothing about.”
--Robin Williams.

For over twenty years
I have been a host
to a vicious pack
of autoimmune demons,
who like hyenas
circle around me, much
more than angry pairs
of eyes in the darkness
just beyond the firelight.

Mostly, emboldened
my medical team,
I can exert minimal
mastery over their
voracious nature--
but sometimes
one or more of them
make it to me,
chewing me up a bit--
nothing life-threatening,
but quite debilitating.

So
the broken news
is that my Western
saga will not appear
today--the creative energy
required to produce
another stirring episode
cannot be conjured.
                 cajoled, or
                 brought to the surface.

This latest tussle
with the pack
will pass,
as it always does,
but BLACKTHORNE.
the meat of it,
is now on the back-back
burner--placed gently
on a slow.
very slow

simmer.


Glenn Buttkus

20 comments:

brudberg said...

Oh I had looked forward to another installment of the saga... so sad to hear that you have issues... and hope that you will come back boiling a new stew for us in a few weeks.

Vinay Leo R. said...

Sending good thoughts your way, to help combat those debilitating devils. Take care.

Anonymous said...

Glenn this is a different side of your writing. And I mean that in a good compliment.

I too, was looking forward to your next saga of Blackthorn.

I know exactly the feeling of Malaise...Its terrible. Sending you much love and prayers your way my friend.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I have spent twenty years much the same way. I have complete faith that Blackthorn will continue, when the time is right.

Alison H said...

I really relate to this and you have voiced it so well. I think they never come alone, it is like- let's party on down, not content to host just one auto-immune affliction but provide safe harbour to a number who make merry at the slightest invitation, especially a cold snap, a bit of extra stress or when a person is reticent to take the meds....I send you much love and healing virtual hugs. Tell them to pipe down....

Truedessa said...

This saddens me, I so enjoyed your Blackthorn saga, please find the strength to continue. You know I am a "true" fan.

I will send positive energy your way!

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Oh this deeply saddens me :( sending positive energy your way!

Toni Spencer said...

Glenn, I hate to say it but I was nicely surprised by this autobiographical poem. It seems more real and from the heart. I hear you! I suffer from chronic clinical depression and in spite of meds, it is hard sometimes to just roll over in bed - much less get out of it. But I persist. It is good that you persist as well. Yokai is the Japanese word for demons. I hope you pull your poetic sword and cut off their heads (or tails). Blessings Glenn. Get better soon.

Nan Mykel said...

I'll have to do some catch-up reading. Your metaphors are so strong and compelling. Hope you're back in the saddle again soon!

Kim Russell said...

Sorry to hear the hyenas have backed you into a corner, Glenn. I hope it's not for too long. I, too, missed Blackthorne this week and will wait patiently for its return.

indybev said...


A pox on that marauding pack! May they fade back into the darkest night, where they hide awaiting another opportunity, and may a door close behind them. It must be something in the air. I'm a bit beset myself. Your poem, however, is inspired!

Walter J. Wojtanik said...

If it must simmer Glenn, at least let us help you keep the fire stoked so you can find your rest and strength in some way. The legend will live on through your words!

Grace said...

So sorry to read this latest development Glenn ~ But rest easy and give it time for your muse to come back again in due time ~ Take care ~

Kathleen Everett said...

Glenn, it will take more than a pack of demon hyenas to keep a good man down. Sending warm wishes for a swift recovery and selfishly a new excerpt of your western saga. K

Jae Rose said...

I hope you feel better soon

Kweli Nzito said...

When a body turns on itself, a special courage is needed to write about that pain. Get well soon.

Anonymous said...

I hope you feel better soon. Thank you for sharing with us, and I appreciate the quote from Robin Williams.

Anonymous said...

Even sagas need a break from time to time. Be well brother.

Frank Hubeny said...

Best wishes on overcoming those autoimmune diseases. I have a mild form of Hashimoto thryroiditis which can leave me tired and weaken my voice. I use mainly diet and yoga to deal with it.

Bekkie Sanchez said...

I hope you feel better. My BFF was sick for a few years, open sores on her body, loss of hair, face swelled so that you couldn't recognize her, and more it was horrible, (and I didn't even have it). My thoughts are with you. The good news is she got better although it took her years and she watches herself now. I hope you get better too! A touching write.