Soul Eyes

Soul Eyes


The morning before last I emerged from the dream world
as if I had been gone a long time, for years.
It was difficult to surface because a friend I hadn't seen since
she was camping in the mountains above Santa Fe with her husband
and small son appeared to me. They moved back east to her
husband's reservation and later I heard she'd died tragically.

The story goes she was found dead in a field or on the road
after heading to the store with the collected change from a party
to buy the next round. This was the first time I'd seen her since.

As she drove up my logical self whispered, "but she's dead",
but my spirit self brushed off the thought and greeted her.
She was wearing beige slacks and a cream-colored blouse.
She had shed the malnourished alcoholic skin I'd last seen her in.
She shined.

Next to her was the memory of the first husband
who is still physically here. I was standing at the stage door,
horn in hand, getting ready to go out and perform.
She came to give me the go ahead, and to remind me
not to turn back as she had, from her dream.
She was a gifted actor and the denial of that dream
had destroyed her.

I've pondered all this since that morning. I recalled her pain,
her struggle, her lack of opportunity or ability to seize
her dreams, and her friendship to a young, lost Indian
student those many years ago. We get through this world
with the help of many. We must thank them, give something back.

I also realized that to let go what was given you to do
results in hell. We grow heaven and hell in the same manner
we grow trees, children or dreams. Each starts with one thought,
one song, one word, one kindness or hurtful act.
And continues the same way.

So, for you my friend, here's a dedication for the evening show
tonight, one of my favorites by Mal Waldron,
performed by John Coltrane,
"Soul Eyes".

Good night.

Joy Harjo 2004