Saturday, October 5, 2013

Gourd Gossip



image borrowed from bing


Gourd Gossip

“A rolling pumpkin gathers no moss.”

It is difficult to produce a quality TV documentary
that is both incisive & probing when every 12 minutes
one is confronted with 7 dancing pumpkins singing
about toilet paper--Rod Serling

My toughest fight was with my first Pumpkin.
--Muhammed Ali

Under every stone lurks a political pumpkin.
--Aristophanes.

“Only God can make a pumpkin--probably because if left
alone they will lose their gourds.--Woody Allen

“A robot may not injure a pumpkin, or through inaction, allow
a pumpkin to come to harm.” --Issac Assimov

“I really don’t deserve this award, but I have pumpkinitis, 
and I don’t deserve that either.”--Jack Benny

“Do unto pumpkins as you would have them do unto you.”
--the Rule of Gourd.

“The real problem with this world is that most people are a 
few pumpkin ales behind.”--Humphrey Bogart.

“A good pie should have pumpkins in the beginning, and spices
at the end, & they should be as close together as possible.”
--Will Rogers.

“Pumpkinism is the belief that when you die, your soul will
be baked into an angel’s pie.”--George Carlin.

“ It just makes me sick to my stomach when I watch Pumpkins
on TV talking about themselves.”--Marlon Brando.

“I tell you if God wanted us to look like a gourd, he would
have created us as pumpkin seeds.”--Mel Brooks.

“Send pumpkins, guns, & money.”--Glenn Frey.

“Victory always belongs to the pumpkins with the most
perseverance.”--Napoleon Bonaparte.

“Pumpkins willingly believe what they wish.”--Julius Caesar.

“A true pumpkinoid is someone who only knows a little about
what’s going on.”--William S. Burroughs.

“When you have eliminated the gourd’s pulp, whatever remains,
however improbable, must be the pumpkin.”--Sherlock Holmes.

“The toughest thing about being a pumpkin is that it is essential
for you to accept that Halloween only comes once a year.”
--Irving Berlin.

“Democracy means that any gourd can grow up to be the 
Pumpkin, & those who don’t grow up can still be the Vice-
Pumpkin.”--Johnny Carson.

“There is only one difference between an insane pumpkin
& me--I am not a pumpkin.”--Salvador Dali.

“A pumpkin worth having is a gourd worth cheating for.”
--W.C. Fields.

“Do not consider consuming pumpkins painful, for they
are good for you.”--Euripides.

“Pumpkins are all built to live in, more than to merely
look at--so let utility be preferred over uniformity.”
--Sir Francis Bacon.

“Pumpkins, sir, are simply what they taste like.” --Anton Chekhov.

“Only two things are infinite, the universe & the colossal stupidity
of pumpkins--& I’m not sure about the former.”--Albert Einstein. 


Glenn Buttkus

October 2013

Posted over on dVerse Poets Poetics

Would you like for the author to read this pumpkin foolishness to  you?

10 comments:

Susan said...

Well done! Stones or humans. Especially Julius Caesar on not being a pumpkin!

Björn said...

Brilliantly funny - loved them all.. But the Dali one sounded quite probably. The film "the attack of the killer pumpkins" comes to mind

Claudia said...

first - i wanna move into this pumpkin house.. ha.. looks lovely and reminds me somehow of my uncle's farm-- dunno why exactly.. haha...and loved what you did with the quotes.. thanks for the laugh this morning...smiles

Brian Miller said...

hahaha what a cool approach, adjusting actual quotes to be viewed through the eyes of pumpkins....a grin, yet still there is some wisdom in there...i wonder if that house is real as well....

Mystic_Mom said...

I love your mind. It is awesomely twisted and cool...my kinda people! This is just genius! :-D

Mary said...

Hadn't realized how many pumpkin quotes exist! A cool read today, Glenn.

manicddaily said...

These are absolutely wonderful! Much much enjoyed. k.

Anna Chamberlain said...

Hahaha, nice one sir! Your pumpkin excursion was worth its weight in seeds. Wonderfully clever.

Truedessa said...

Oh this was too funny..so glad I stopped over for a read..and that
picture is wicked..thanks for the smile..

Grace said...

Interesting collection Glenn ~ Had to laugh at that one by Dali ~ Happy Sunday ~