Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Phantasmagoria



image borrowed from bing


Phantasmagoria

“Life is the grimmest & the merriest motley of  phantasmagoria
that will appeal to the gravest or maddest brush ever brought
to palette.”--Elizabeth Stuart Phelps.

For Harold Hare, the cities
                                  where made up
                                             of burrows;
and he never subscribed
                                  to the notion that some creatures,
                                  like sea horses, beavers, slugs & lady bugs,
                                  endorsed; a silly theory
that cities were made up of burroughs; absolute clap trap. 

In his harried world, fantasy
was not an illusion. Superman did wonderful
                  commercials for laser & spandex corporations.
                                Spiderman opened up a chain of
                                Exterminator Companies;

G.I. Joe & Sgt. Rock were WWA superstars. 
                  Miss Buffy was a bed bug,
                                & she was skilled as a dust mite slayer.
Commericial icon Flo was banned
from ever mentioning any kind of insurance again,
& she became allergic to bright red lipstick.

                   All cars could talk, could
                   hold intelligent conversations with road graders;
none of this Your door is ajar crap.
                   John Deere ran for political office
& now is the senior Senator from Iowa. Alligators in Florida
& Louisiana went on strike, & the Everglades
                                      were closed down & sold to Bill Gates
                     who turned it into a popular nudist colony. 

Red dragons were discovered,
                      living in exile in condo caves
                      within Mt. Olympus in WA state,
& CA petitioned that they be returned to the Redwood Ghettos,
a place, according to a dragon spokesssserpent,
                      “We would rather burn down to red stumps than
be forced to live in again.”

Batman is selling gentleman’s dress capes
                   in a new department store in Cleveland,
while Robin, now grown up & bitter, 
                   has shaved his head & turned 
                   to the dark side, becoming a leader in a Neo-Nazi
compound at Hayden Lake, ID. 

Captain America suddenly aged tremendously,
                   becoming 93 years old--something about
                                    his Comic-Con expiration date;
so Ted Turner, ever the humanitarian,
                                    hired Cap to be a
                                    military consultant for CNN. 

Air Bus is now manufacturing personal jet packs for commuters,
and has been testing them          in the busy skies of Liverpool,
                                    but there are nasty rumors
                       that drunken fliers have been buzzing innocent
                       pedestrians, & pouring state beer
                                    on baby buggies. 

Chickens, it has been reported, have resorted
                       to becoming prostitutes in Detroit,
& several Chicken Ranch Bordellos have become wildly
successful. Colonel Sanders has become a Pimp Daddy,
                       opening several Chicken Lingerie Shops, which
are now rivaling the infamous Sheep Lingerie Shops
                       in Montana.                  Glenn Beck has thrown his
considerable influence & support to the chickens, stating:
                               “There is nothing better than a threesome
                               with a pair of sexy Hen Whores.”

Yet another revival of the musical CATS
has been picketed by urban cats of all stripes, 
carrying small signs that read:
              Musical theater is demeaning to all felines.”
Fritz, the lead yowler of the punk group HAIRBALL HAREM,
is doing free concerts to raise funds for this effort. 
               Broadway producers have hired
               Lassie & Rin Tin Tin as lawyers,
& we all know this high-powered duo of litigators always
get their teeth into the posteriors of the opposition. 

Breaking News--Harold Hare is considering
putting together a luxurious line
of Lewis Carroll fashion jewelry, & he would welcome any
& all investors to step up ASAP.


Glenn Buttkus 

Posted over on dVerse Poets Poetics

Would you like the author to read this poem to you?

20 comments:

Mary said...

Harold the Hare is certainly an attractive character. Ha. And Batman selling dress capes makes me smile. And I wonder if those chicken prostitutes in Detroit have much business. You certainly provided us with a feast of imagination. Fun to read, Glenn. And I am excited about being #1.

Gabriella said...

I wonder whether Harold Hare's business will take off. He may have found a niche. I must say that after reading your poem, I feel quite concerned about the welfare of chicken. Shouldn't we contact PETA?

Victoria said...

Glenn, this calls for Depends! I laughed out loud. Especially grateful what you did to Flo. She drives me crazy. But this calls for another read. Maybe to print it out. Fun, fun, Fun!

Brian Miller said...

ha. i could totally see john deere getting the votes that he needed in iowa...lol....and that the cats find the theatre demeaning...well glenn beck would know, you know...ha...this was a trip!

Myrna R. said...

This is hilarious. Honestly, you'd do well in a genre of spoken stand up comedic poetry, or something like that. Love the chicken part. Thank you for the laughter.

Claudia said...

Lewis Carroll fashion jewelry...ha...how would that look... very cool take glenn..love the many many characters you wove in and how you told us their true story... thanks for the smile...

Björn Rudberg said...

You have created a world where the only mandatory suit is the hirsute.. so many great pictures.. and there is a difference between chicks and chickens.. and the cars as well.. I had quite an intelligent conversation with a rusty old Volvo the other day..

charliezero1 said...

You my friend have created a vision of our dreams and places of new life. I love this piece by you sir. :)

Anthony Desmond said...

those theatre cats can go to hell - I'm with the urban felines, man... And poor Robin... Must be tough for the old sidekick

thecourseofourseasons.com said...

Oh no Robin has turned to the dark side - Glenn, your fantasy is a delight!

Grace said...

Wow, you are so imaginative Glenn ~ Enjoyed the fantasy turns of your superheroes & comic characters ~

SaraV said...

Glenn, you had me laughing so hard! Oh my goodness, hilarious, creative, brilliant...made me think of a Simon & Garfunkel song about the zoo...loved the lawyers Lassie and Rin Tin Tin, and Colonel Sanders as a Pimp Daddy!

Jeff said...

I love the way you can build image upon image--the way your mind makes connections is a sight to behold! Great read here.

RMP said...

wow...wow...& wow! quite impressive. that is definitely one interesting set of burrows... I'd like to see some samples of the jewelry before I consider investing.

Sumana Roy said...

love this hilarious commentary on our present day commercialized world ....imagine the activities of Bill Gates and Detroit chickens LOL..a fantastic write Glen :)

Kate Mia said...

hmm..in someways i am expecting the dragon trail..but instead of a tale of change comes to all who enter into a culture of chaos..but random know..:)have a great day..in random thrill!..iS what i like to have every now at least! with thrill of small..and forgetfulness of large...:)ly true...

Arathi Harihar said...

oh ..so much fun..enjoyed this a lot:)

Arushi Ahuja said...

very amusingly crafted! harold seems like a astonishing charcter to me!

quest4peas said...

You certainly put an interesting spin on a out of familiar characters! :-)

Hamish Gunn said...

Man o' mighty, you go all the way! Good, very good cutting stuff, from those chickens to that git. There is always so much happening. I just am not able to pick up that richness when I try.
Lost my reading glasses is my only worry, must find them for more reading - there's a big difference without them!