Thursday, November 21, 2013

Ode to Citizen Bane II



image borrowed from bing


Ode to Citizen Bane II

PABLO NERUDA STYLE

We
of the masculine
genus,
you know
the ones with a
penis--
sometimes wonder
wistfully
if during
our other lives
we were once
more
than brothers
play with
motors, guns, &
knives;
that perhaps we might
even
have been
mothers
in some distant land,
some distant time,
whelping
poets,
bastards, sculptors,
predators,
pimps & presidents?

We
deliberate denizens
of these
United States
rolling blindly on
red-white & blue
skates;
fed up
with partisan politics,
pining pathetically
for
a way out,
egress
from the mix
of
empire building,
corporate sodomy,
unending
cycles of war,
war,
& more war,
ill health,
& the obvious
uneven distribution
of wealth
would 
really love
to get on
the buses,
get
in line,
drive to DC,
then
march by the billions
to
the very steps
of Congress;
that is
if we actually
thought
it would
accomplish the things’
we fought
for,
wished for,
died
for,
needed.

We
of the
Wordsmith predilection,
the heavy
lifters,
the bleeding
hearts, spokespersons,
loose cannons,
gad flies,
romantics,
pariahs,
petitioners,
prophets;
we
will be
embed with the 
warriors,
will
work for your
slave wages,
will
suffer the
dehumanization,
will consent
to being
bullied, will
remain
within sad relationships,
will
take up the
unpopular 
causes,
so that
in between the
bouts of bathos,
wedged
between
chaos & coitus,
we
remain
free
to let loose
the daring dogs
of poetics;
unleashed,
teeth bared,
unmuzzled
& ever faithful,
ever loyal
to the rare
Masters
of 
Truth. 

Glenn Buttkus

Also posted over on dVerse Poets FFA

10 comments:

annotating60 said...

I like this version, though version is not the right word. It seems a completely different poem. I like the tightness of it. >KB

rumoursofrhyme said...

I have to agree with KB - the poem laid out this way is every bit as passionate and outraged, but somehow it readds differently. I think it is because the short lines make me pause and consider each image, each statement, each outrage before passing on to the next.

Björn said...

Amazing how it come cross stronger in this version. It sounds at the same time much more reasonable and threatening (to the politians

Claudia said...

i like the tightness as well....a cascade..passionate writing.. not sure if i would stay in an unsatisfying whatever-it-is for the sake of poetry-- ha-- maybe got this wrong...but then..i'm not a man..smiles

Brian Miller said...

nice...i personally like the other one better, though i think the feel is the main difference...i think often we stay within things for the wrong reasons...so as not to disappoint or to fear weakness as well...

kaykuala said...

I like the previous version. There is a semblance of order and discipline. It allows a pause at designated stops. Great write Glenn!

Hank

freyawrites.com said...

Isn't it strange how laying out a poem differently leads to a different impact? As KB said it feels tighter - and for me, is more impactful.

Nara Malone said...

Interesting study in layout and wordsmithing. Loved tha last stanza.

georgeplaceblog said...

I have to say, I prefer the first one. It seems to reflect the passion of the words better.

Katie said...

Very well done. I liked seeing both versions of this poem. :-)