Toys * R * Them

image borrowed from bing

Toys * R * Them

“Blessed be Providence which has given to each his toy:

the doll to the child, the child to the woman, the woman

to the man, the man to the devil.”--Victor Hugo.

December is nigh & the restless babes are headed

to the holiday state of Toyland, where Toyville is the 

capitol city, where St. Nick is mayor, & Doctor Strange 

is the chief  of police, and I have heard rumors that 

after dark things get pretty wild--

when the Toon Town bangers, led by Roger Rabbit,

come cruising & looking for kicks, terrorizing the

toy neighborhoods, forcing even Mr. Rogers

to lock his doors, as they TP the bushes all around

the Munster House & the Adams Family residence,

paint swastikas on the garage over at the Calico

Critters Cloverleaf Manor;

as Barbie & Ken lay rubber and toss out Jolt cans

from her Rad pink Corvette, after shopping for daring

duds at Barbie’s Fashion Clubhouse, racing headlong

toward her Malibu Dreamhouse,

 & the Henson Sesame Street Sharks, led by the

yellow menace, Big Bird, toss moon pies & peanut

butter cups at Snow White in her Lego castle, 

& Sleeping Beauty on her Disney parapets, 

& then engage in a cow-chip cookie fight with Quasimodo

as he pelts people from the bell tower at Notre Dame,

where after midnight those damn Transformers get

liquored-up & shit-faced Optimus Prime always has

to demonstrate his Firebreath Cyclocannons, forcing

the stoned Green Lantern, who hangs out too much

at Cheech & Chongs head shop, to snap on the

great green searchlights summoning Batman & Robin,

Superman & Supergirl, the Flash & Green Arrow,

who do show up & attempt to restore order, but

too often the para-military kick-ass G.I. Joes have

to roll in to fully preserve the peace,

while elsewhere the Thundercats were tearing up

the Simpson’s back yard adjacent to the huge

street sign announcing  that tonight over at

Fisher-Price Hexagon Stadium there will be

a wonderfully-fake battle royal between the

Marvel tag teams of Iron Man & Thor, Spider-Man

& Hulk, as the Silver Surfer zips overhead

dropping popcorn confetti, & those sexy

Monster High Fearleaders strut around in

hot pants & push-up bras holding up the

big round placards, with the freshman

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. controlling the concessions,

as several Sgt. Rock traffic choppers are kept busy

when Obi-Wan Kanobi was drag racing his Tonka

Truck against Luke Skywalker in the Batmobile,

& they t-boned Tow Mater at the intersection

of Stan Lee Boulevard & Neal Adams Avenue,

just as the Sonic Hedgehog gang somehow

stole Lightning McQueen and escaped the

pursuit of Judge Dredd on a Batcycle, & soon

got busy tagging the wall over at the James

Tiberius Kirk High School gym with peace signs,

Apple & X-Box--Facebook & Twitter logos;

even though on the lighter side one has to admit

that it is way cool most of the Strawberry Shortcake

Squad & the Lalaloopsy Girls are now dating

many of the troublesome Skylander Legendary

Swap Force, & thankfully this has really calmed

down dudes like Grilla Dilla, Zoo Lou, Bumble Blatt,

& Firekracken;

& over on the Eastside of town the Nascar lovers

can attend races at the Hot Wheels Speedway,

where souped-up slot cars do the bumpercar boogie,

or if toy rodeos are your saddle-burr faves, there is

always continuous shows at the Toy Story Corral Days

on the Westside of town, with several sweet Jessie

cowgirls riding their Bullseyes around brightly-painted

barrels, & Sheriff Woody clones mount up on Talking

Rexes to wrangle electronic bulls, and crazy-funster

Buzz Lightyear stays busy selling fry bread & elephant

ears, & cooking up Buzz BBQ;

& just before the hour of the Big Bad Wolf

when the Disney dawn happens, beware the roving

packs of electronic pets, as vicious wheeled ducks,

dogs, giraffes, cows & cats roll through the now quiet

streets looking for victims to mug or attack;

but, of course as the Florida orange juice sun

rises on the eastern plastic forests, when the

parent giants begin singing the damn

“clean-up, clean-up” song, the entire toy community

is scooped up by cranky children & tossed willy-nilly

& unceremoniously into tattered toy boxes, because

beige booster seats & Capt. Crunch cereal awaits.

Glenn Buttkus

Posted over on dVerse Poets Poetics

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