Saturday, November 9, 2013

Toys * R * Them

image borrowed from bing

Toys * R * Them

“Blessed be Providence which has given to each his toy:
the doll to the child, the child to the woman, the woman
to the man, the man to the devil.”--Victor Hugo.

December is nigh & the restless babes are headed
to the holiday state of Toyland, where Toyville is the 
capitol city, where St. Nick is mayor, & Doctor Strange 
is the chief  of police, and I have heard rumors that 
after dark things get pretty wild--

when the Toon Town bangers, led by Roger Rabbit,
come cruising & looking for kicks, terrorizing the
toy neighborhoods, forcing even Mr. Rogers
to lock his doors, as they TP the bushes all around
the Munster House & the Adams Family residence,
paint swastikas on the garage over at the Calico
Critters Cloverleaf Manor;

as Barbie & Ken lay rubber and toss out Jolt cans
from her Rad pink Corvette, after shopping for daring
duds at Barbie’s Fashion Clubhouse, racing headlong
toward her Malibu Dreamhouse,

 & the Henson Sesame Street Sharks, led by the
yellow menace, Big Bird, toss moon pies & peanut
butter cups at Snow White in her Lego castle, 
& Sleeping Beauty on her Disney parapets, 
& then engage in a cow-chip cookie fight with Quasimodo
as he pelts people from the bell tower at Notre Dame,

where after midnight those damn Transformers get
liquored-up & shit-faced Optimus Prime always has
to demonstrate his Firebreath Cyclocannons, forcing
the stoned Green Lantern, who hangs out too much
at Cheech & Chongs head shop, to snap on the
great green searchlights summoning Batman & Robin,
Superman & Supergirl, the Flash & Green Arrow,
who do show up & attempt to restore order, but
too often the para-military kick-ass G.I. Joes have
to roll in to fully preserve the peace,

while elsewhere the Thundercats were tearing up
the Simpson’s back yard adjacent to the huge
street sign announcing  that tonight over at
Fisher-Price Hexagon Stadium there will be
a wonderfully-fake battle royal between the
Marvel tag teams of Iron Man & Thor, Spider-Man
& Hulk, as the Silver Surfer zips overhead
dropping popcorn confetti, & those sexy
Monster High Fearleaders strut around in
hot pants & push-up bras holding up the
big round placards, with the freshman
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. controlling the concessions,

as several Sgt. Rock traffic choppers are kept busy
when Obi-Wan Kanobi was drag racing his Tonka
Truck against Luke Skywalker in the Batmobile,
& they t-boned Tow Mater at the intersection
of Stan Lee Boulevard & Neal Adams Avenue,

just as the Sonic Hedgehog gang somehow
stole Lightning McQueen and escaped the
pursuit of Judge Dredd on a Batcycle, & soon
got busy tagging the wall over at the James
Tiberius Kirk High School gym with peace signs,
Apple & X-Box--Facebook & Twitter logos;

even though on the lighter side one has to admit
that it is way cool most of the Strawberry Shortcake
Squad & the Lalaloopsy Girls are now dating
many of the troublesome Skylander Legendary
Swap Force, & thankfully this has really calmed
down dudes like Grilla Dilla, Zoo Lou, Bumble Blatt,
& Firekracken;

& over on the Eastside of town the Nascar lovers
can attend races at the Hot Wheels Speedway,
where souped-up slot cars do the bumpercar boogie,

or if toy rodeos are your saddle-burr faves, there is
always continuous shows at the Toy Story Corral Days
on the Westside of town, with several sweet Jessie
cowgirls riding their Bullseyes around brightly-painted
barrels, & Sheriff Woody clones mount up on Talking
Rexes to wrangle electronic bulls, and crazy-funster
Buzz Lightyear stays busy selling fry bread & elephant
ears, & cooking up Buzz BBQ;

& just before the hour of the Big Bad Wolf
when the Disney dawn happens, beware the roving
packs of electronic pets, as vicious wheeled ducks,
dogs, giraffes, cows & cats roll through the now quiet
streets looking for victims to mug or attack;

but, of course as the Florida orange juice sun
rises on the eastern plastic forests, when the
parent giants begin singing the damn
clean-up, clean-up” song, the entire toy community
is scooped up by cranky children & tossed willy-nilly
& unceremoniously into tattered toy boxes, because
beige booster seats & Capt. Crunch cereal awaits.

Glenn Buttkus

Posted over on dVerse Poets Poetics

Would you like to hear the author read this Toy Poem to you?


Claudia said...

the Florida orange juice sun
rises on the eastern plastic love your journey through the different films... ah...loving toy story especially...such a charming film.. and oh that clean up song...

Mary said...

Toys*R"Us is definitely a wonderland for kids of all ages. Almost overwhelming to walk inside. Pathetic when Barbie and Ken can have a better car than I do. LOL. And those transformers always stymie me....I think you have to be a kid to figure THEM out. I can't stand those Monster High creatures....they scare me, but obviously don't scare the young. You wrote a treasure trove of toys, Glenn. Enjoyed!!

Björn said...

Your version of the Toys can scare any kid.. are these really proper values for kids?... (or parents for that matter)... Violent toys.

annotating60 said...

Sounds like you were in the toy shop of your mind Glenn. >KB

vivinfrance said...

Wonderful stuff - full of invention and history and joy.

Grace said...

I had Barbie & Ken too ~ Those toyland can be quite intimidating ~ Thanks for the mad and fun romp of childhood memories Glenn ~

Lane Savant said...

Shit faced transformers!

Brian Miller said...

ha. you gave a dark edge to the toys...but i guess that makes them relevant in this day and the movie before last they gave superman an illegitemant child so...kinda sad what happens to our toys to ruin their innocence...

Mystic_Mom said...

LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! Glenn you are rockin' this. LOVE is all I have. I'm laughing, shaking my head and wishing Disney/Pixar/Marvel and the rest would make THIS a movie! :-)