My Next Life

My Next Life

In my next life
I want to live backwards.
You start out dead
and get that out of the way.

You wake up in an old people's home,
feeling better every day.
You get kicked out
for being too healthy,
go collect a pension
and then when you start work
you get a gold watch
and a party on your first day.

You work for 40 years
until you're young enough
to enjoy your retirement.
You party, drink alcohol,
and are generally promiscuous,
then you are ready for high school.

Then you go to primary school,
you become a kid, you play,
you have no responsibilites.
You become a baby until you are born.

And then you spend your last 9 months
floating in luxurious spa-like conditions,
with central heating
and room service on tap,
larger quarters every day,
and then Voila!
You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.


Woody Allen