Thursday, March 22, 2012

Lemonade & Other Tales

image borrowed from bing

Lemonade & Other Tales

W.C. Fields kept his best booze
in a container he couldn't lose,
a thermos of "lemonade"
to avoid a police raid,
as bourbon from his pores would ooze.

* * * *

Never trust a woman with warts,
especially on tennis courts,
for your eyes will be glued
and soon you'll be boo-ed
by your sarcastic co-horts.

* * * *

My car is a piece of crap,
too nasty to even scrap;
it has no actual doors,
and I have to use oars
to move it along the map.

* * * *

Big Bob had a 10 foot dick,
and he'd flash it for every chick
as he passed them by,
until he couldn't deny
incarceration for "flicking his Bick".

* * * *

Little Eva liked that gravy
on tatters and guys in the Navy,
and she was so sweet,
they'd give her a treat,
making their hair very wavy.

* * * *

I always loved old Dick Tracy
played by William C. Macy;
his jaw was so square,
and he'd always dare
you to wear boxers very lacy.

Glenn Buttkus

March 2012

Listed as #9 over at dVerse Poets-FFA

Would you like to hear the author laugh his way through these?


Beachanny said...

Had to come by for the second serving! Quite a feast today up uproarious limericks. Makes me wish we had a virtual pub to drink these along with! Well done, sir!

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Now that I've gotten you hooked on limericks, my job here is done. Other than to lure you to my
Limerick-Offs, of course. :)

I especially enjoyed the imagery of your car limerick.

Fred Rutherford said...

Glenn, these are very funny as well. a few of these were hilarious. Thanks

Brian Miller said...

haha these were a blast man...funny stuff...the warty women on th tennis courts is paritcular struck me a funny....

Jannie Funster said...

You have FOUND your writing niche, my man!!!!

My car is a piece of crap...

laughed freaking out loud at that!!


Steve E said...

You've got a mind full of ideas, and a keyboard full of words. The two together make for a 'fun' evening read! thanks

(But WHY the damm word verification?)

Semaphore said...

As I said, you're the poet prolific!
With the quantity you are terrific!
Thank God quality's high
Otherwise, it's bye-bye -
As it is, this is all limeriffic!

hyperCRYPTICal said...

Even better than your first Glen - honing of skills here

Anna :o]

Blue Flute said...

Glenn, what stories of warts and booze
What’s the use of playing a ruse?
We pretend to be nice
When we all have the vice
And if you snooze you lose

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

What fun! I particularly like the one about the car.