from "Vilify": Part VII

from "Vilify": Part VII


Doesn't it seem insane that Congress once
impeached a president for lying about
getting blowjobs in the private hallway
outside of the Oval Office. I think, even
in his amorous state, Clinton wanted to
protect the sanctity of that holy room.
Or he was just hiding his adulterous ass.
As my friend, Greg, the master of the
malaprop, used to say, "Well it's six of
one, or it's six of the other." But let's
forget about Bill Clinton for a moment.
I want to defend Monica Lewinsky. First of
all, I think she is very attractive, a
little heavy, yes, but so are most of us
Americans, and beyond all that, she has
amazing eyes. Gorgeous eyes. And she is
smarter than hell. She is now a graduate
of the London School of Business, damn it.
And one doesn't get an internship at the
White House without being a talented and
dedicated and ambitious person in the
first place. And from all the interviews
I've seen with her, Lewinsky seems to be
a funny, energetic, self-aware, and rueful,
if somewhat immature, person.
But let's get back to Clinton. I think the
real problem here is that he, as U.S.
president, the most powerful man on the
planet, took advantage of an intern, the
weakest person in the White House. The
power imbalance of that relationship
turned it into pornography.

John F. Kennedy was apparently just as
horny, if not more so, than Clinton;
but Kennedy had affairs with women like
Marilyn Monroe and the wives of other
world leaders and with the wives and
girlfriends of mafia dons. But Marilyn
Monroe! Now, there is some equitable
power in that romantic relationship. I'm
not suggesting that any president should
be having affairs, but if, as president,
one were thinking about it, one should
arrange a Hollywood fundraiser where one
could meet famous and gorgeous actresses.
If Clinton had been getting blowjobs from
Sharon Stone or Kathleen Turner in the
Oval Office, there wouldn't have been an
impeachment. Now, I might be accussed of
misogyny here, but I hope you understand
that I'm actually rallying against
misogyny. I truly believe that we impeached
Clinton not because the was a lying
asshole who slept with an intern, but
because he was a lying asshole who slept
with a chubby intern.


Sherman Alexie

from his book FACE.