from "Vilify": Part X

Crazy Horse


from "Vilify": Part X


I once thought of Crazy Horse as an
Indigenous Jesus Christ, a Native
American Messiah, and an Indian superhero.
I now realize that he was far more
complicated and interesting than that.
For instance, Crazy Horse fell in love
with another Indian man's wife. He name
was Black Buffalo Woman, and she was
married to a drunken fool named No Water.
I guess the dude earned his name by
drinking his whiskey straight up, no
chaser. Well, anyway, Crazy Horse invited
Black Buffalo Woman to go on a, yes,
buffalo hunt with him. That was not entirely
a sexual euphemism back in those days.
People actually went on buffalo hunts. These
days, if a young Sioux man asked a young
Sioux woman to go on a buffalo hunt, it would
have an entirely different meaning. Anyway,
after Crazy Horse and Black Buffalo Woman
returned from their journey, during which
they hunted for buffalo and "hunted for
buffalo." No Water got pissed off and tried
to shoot Crazy Horse in the heart.

"You shattered my heart into pieces, Crazy
Horse! Now, I shall shatter yours!"

Of course, Crazy Horse was bulletproof. He'd
had a vision that no bullet would ever kill
him. And the vision came true. No Water's
bullet ended up in Crazy Horse's jaw. Yes,
Crazy Horse had been shot in the face for
stealing another man's wife and he
survived. In fact, he prospered. Tribal
elders ordered that No Water needed to
make restitution for shooting Crazy Horse.

"Here you go, Crazy Horse, here are three
horses. They're fast. And, oh yeah, sorry
about the whole shooting you in the mouth
thing. You maybe want to go get a few drinks'
and talk things out?"

The elders also sent a woman named Black
Shawl to help heal Crazy Horse's wounds.
Of course, they fell in love. And Crazy
Horse married her. And oh yeah, he was
already married to Black Buffalo Woman.
Yes, Crazy Horse was married to two
women at the same time. They were all
living together. Crazy Horse was a bigamist.


Sherman Alexie

from his book FACE.