Watch

WATCH



1. Take this watch.
2. Weigh it.
3. Open it, using whatever tools are at hand,
such as a small screwdriver.
4. If you don't have a screwdriver,
try a butter knife.
5. Be careful that you don't scratch the back
of the watch – this would lessen its resale value.
6. If you have no butter knives, and you own pets,
tie a small string around the back of the watch.
7. Immobilize the watch using a vice grip.
8. If you are concerned about damaging the watch,
you may opt to place something heavy
on top of it, such as a pile of dictionaries.
9. Tie the other end of the string to the pet.
10. If the pet is a cat, open a can of cat-food
in the other room.
11. If the pet is not a cat, buy a cat.
12. Repeat above instructions.
This will cause the cat to come running,
and much like tying a string around a tooth
and quickly opening a door, the watch-back
will be removed.
13. You'll expect springs, there won't be any.
No little man, peddling.
14. Remove the contents.
15. Separate them onto a table.
16. Label them.
17. Before doing this, you should remove
the cat or miscellaneous pet from the room;
pet dander is murder on watches.
18. Now take all the pieces and weigh them separately.
19. Note the weights.
20. Weigh the watch casing as well, and the band.
21. Add the weights.
22. You'll find that added together,
the dismantled watch is 3/4s of an ounce
lighter than the whole watch.
25. You've discovered the soul.


C.L. Bledsoe

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