Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Inside Job

image from amazon.com

Inside Job

“Raise your words, not your voice, It is rain that 
grows flowers, not thunder”--Rumi.

Rumi and Cayce tell us
we are not a body
who has a soul, rather
we are a soul
who has a body.

I try to believe
that a true healer
allows their higher self
to communicate directly
with your higher self,
asking permission for the healing.

I have had to accept
that my higher self answers with
a resounding NO--the meat known
as Glenn has more to learn, 
the Bardo plan for me clearly
has had me fighting and dealing
with a mysterious series of
serious autoimmune processes
for thirty years and counting.
It has led me mercilessly
deeper and deeper into
the terrible darkness and icy depths
of damnable Disability.

I endeavor with every breath
to own and to thank
the metaphysical outline
that I, essentially, designed for my self;
even though I admit to often railing against it
         as I drop a crystal bowl
         or take an eventful fall,
         or swallowing chronic meds,
         or giving up driving and hiking.

My gracious, mostly clear mind allows me
         to continue to write poetry,
       to cheer on my wife to pursue world travel,
         to vigorously speak truth to power,
         to host my own photography site,
to keep the synapses snapping sans Sodoku,
to keep the cognitive cobwebs to a minimum,

so that when I am not shaking my raging fists,
gritting my angry teeth, 
or screaming at the Universe,
I am able to dispense and receive
from my family
and several international communities 
of bone fide cyber-friends.

The old boar does not
eat the cubs as before; now
loves and plays with them.

Glenn Buttkus

Posted over at dVerse Poets Pub


Linda Lee Lyberg said...

Glenn-You are a man with tremendous inner strength. I love this poem- it's raw and powerful.

Alexandra said...

from the heart and the mind. Thank you for sharing this.

Frank Hubeny said...

Good point about the soul having a body. Many in my family have autoimmune diseases including myself. I'm on Steven Gundry's diet which has at least brought the weight down. Hopefully it does more. Best wishes on however you are treating it.

Jade Li said...

Glenn, if there is anything I know about your through your poetry, it is that you are a lover and a fighter. I appreciate both aspects of your being and how they manifest themselves through your poetry. I hope to read more about your recent gained knowledge about your birth father.

Ken Gierke said...

Presence of mind while living within boundaries that once would have been inconceivable (and, under other circumstances unacceptable) is indeed mindfulness.

Dwight L. Roth said...

We do have to learn much more about surviving the Physical part of our being.

lynn__ said...

Glenn, from reading your raw and raging poems I've never thought of you as disabled! Sometimes body and soul are at odds...peace is bringing them together as a whole.

Kim M. Russell said...

The Rumi quote is perfect, and you’ve shown different aspects of you as a human being, a poet and photographer, Glenn. I love the idea of being a soul who has a body. The final stanza and haiku are brilliant.

Kerfe said...

Deep and wide...that is living.

sarah said...

Oh, Glenn. It's easy to be a soul with a body when you don't have to think too much about your body...when your body is restrictive, that becomes much harder. I loved your stanza about your "cans" - such generosity.

I don't think I've seen you write so personally before. It's brave to share pain. Thank you for trusting us with this.

robkistner said...

Wow Glenn! Honest, gritty, wonderful write — from the heart, and very moving. You pulled back the curtain of your soul. I am with you brother. We will not give in, we will not give up... rage, love, and write, until that final punctuation. Still so much to say dude — write on!

Grace said...

The heart of you Glenn. Keep doing what you love to do! Thanks for sharing.

Katie Mia Frederick said...

"Rumi and Cayce tell us
we are not a body
who has a soul, rather
we are a soul
who has a body."

Smiles my Friend
it seems that many
Folks have forgotten
Their Body All Together
This days as an extension
More of a Hand that Root
of Moving
Feet We
Are only
As Strong
And Grounded
to Nature as Feet
Sing First Dancing Soul back home..:)

purplepeninportland.com said...

Powerful writing, Glenn. It seems you have found your own ways to deal with disabilities. I admire you.