painting by Robert George Harris
Blackthorne
Cinemagenic 119
Fabrication
“A lie may take care of the present, but it has
no future.”--Craft M. Pentz.
1(sound cue) castanets and Indian seed rattle.
2(cut to a wide shot) the gunmen at the back of
the room stood up, their shotguns cradled over
their arms. The two men upstairs with Spencers
stood over their fallen comrade, peering down at
the twisted crushed corpse of Ramos in the middle
of the floor; Ramos, the man who used to break
backs, now a pile of villainous rubbish.
3(medium close-up) Paul Bronson: Cash--you watch
that Buck-bastard, he wants to kill you.
4(close-up) Cash Bronson: Where’s Thor?
5(medium close-up) Thor Bronson: I’m right here,
rising up from behind the bar, his left hand to his
right shoulder, the right arm striped with blood, his
right hand mangled, missing his pinky. He walked
over to Ramos’ body, and stood there shaking.
6(cut to front door) Henry Wallace entered, pushing
his way past deputy Billy: Christ Almighty--the Doc
is already full up. We’re going to need a triage at
the foot of his stairs
7(three-shot) Buck: What did you find out,
Sheriff?
Hop: This is a fine time for you to ask, his voice
dry and cracking.
8(sound cue) harmonica over scuffing chairs and
restless boots.
9(cut to medium close-up) Cash Bronson: Who is
going to tell me what the hell happened here?
his fingers jammed in his vest pockets.
10(cut to medium close-up) Paul Bronson: It was all
them two, coming meekly down the stairs, wagging
his pale finger at Buck and the big Indian.
11(one-shot) Thor Bronson was scowling down at
his gunshot hand, and he was silent.
12( medium close-up) Paul Bronson: They came in
here spoiling for a fight, yelling about getting you.
Before any of us could reason with them, they just
started shooting up the place.
13(two-shot) The Indian’s dark eyes found
Buck’s blue ones. Buck’s eyes registered
nothing.
14(close-up) Cash Bronson: Is that the way
it was, Thor?
15(one-shot) Thor pulled a chair to him with his
foot, and sat in it. In obvious pain, and through
gritted teeth, he said: Yeah, that’s pretty much
how it came down. Buck, here, seems to think
that we sent them men out to his place, and he
wasn’t in any mood to discuss it.
16( medium close-up) Cash: Is there any man
here who saw it different?
17(medium wide shot) Four bystanders who had
not participated in the gunfight looked at each
other. No one spoke up.
18(two-shot) Sheriff Hop: What’s your version of
events?
Buck: Does it really make any difference?
Hop: Yes, it does.
Buck: They are both lying.
19(sound cue) guitar and harmonica.
Hop, after a moment: So...what’s the truth?
20(close-up) The Indian blurted out: Men came to
the cantina. Ramos shot Mateo. Many saw it. We
came here after Ramos.
Hop: Looks like you found him.
Indian: The Bronsons would not give him to us. Thor
squared off with Buck. They pulled first. We were just
protecting ourselves.
21(close-up) Cash, said quietly: There are four or five
dead men here that might have a different story.
22(close-up) Buck: Then why don’t you fucking ask
them?
23(sound cue) blues guitar slide.
24(medium wide shot) Henry Wallace: Why couldn’t
you have waited for the Sheriff?
Buck: You were there. The sons’abitches poked the
bear. They’re the ones who couldn’t wait.
Glenn Buttkus
Posted over at d'Verse poets Pub OLN
10 comments:
I have a feeling that the Bronsons have something up their sleeves. Perhaps they are changing their statement because of the Sheriff. They probably want to throw the others especially Buck under the bus. Only time will tell. Enjoyed it immensely as always, Glenn ❤️
What a challenge it is to write dialogue (for me anyway!) And you pull it off with all it's gritty rythmns with such aplomb here, Glenn - Bravo!
I love that opening quote by Pentz and really like the way you set the tone in the chapter with an opening quote. Most favorite line:
"Ramos, the man who used to break
backs, now a pile of villainous rubbish."
Can't wait to see what happens next. We are left hanging from the cliff for a bit...
The title, castanets and Indian seed rattle gave me a clue as to what to expect and you still made it tense, Glenn. The description of Ramos, his corpse twisted and crushed, ‘the man who used to break backs, now a pile of villainous rubbish’, is powerful, and Billy’s comment that ‘the Doc is already full up. We’re going to need a triage at the foot of the stairs’ reminds us of the carnage in the previous episodes. I like the look between the Indian and Buck, both aware of the lie.
I agree with Kim re: the eye locking between the native and Buck. The exchange was like a still photo in my mind. Always amazes me the way your dialogue can paint a scene so vividly.
You have mostly always that I can remember amazed me, but after "the Meet" I have the extra satisfaction of hearing your voice tell these, which I have to say fits a western like a sweaty moment, fingers on belt, locked eyes and the draw!
It seems we can never get a witness as those who see remain silent. The truth does matter but, does the truth change the course of events? I will stay tuned.
Always enjoyed these Glenn.
Great to get more into the tension of this incredible poetic scripting that helps visualise so much in these scenes. That quote is very apt too.
a pile of villainous rubbish...I can think of a few others I'd like to see in that pile. And great beginning quote.
Those who can't wait die! Should be a lesson here!!
Dwight
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