The Red Robbers

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The Red Robbers

“We cannot disprove God, just as we can’t

disprove Thor, fairies, leprechauns and the

Silver Surfer.”--Richard Dawkins.

Beyond the mists of memory, in Wales, round

houses changed to square ones, and chimneys

were added to them. The new chimneys ventilated

fireplaces--but the downside of chimneys was that

in summer when night fires were absent, burglars

could crawl down them at night, and steal your

valuables while you slept. The worst of these 

criminals were called the Red Robbers.

During those times, in a small village, there lived a

young widow. Her husband had been murdered by

highwaymen. She was left with an infant son, and

one cow. She sold milk and butter, and barely 

scraped by. 

One dark July night, the Red Robbers decided it was

her turn to be victimized. She awoke the next morning

to find that all her money and her one cow were both

stolen. She felt violated and was overcome with

sadness. She asked family and friends for help, but

they were as poor as she was, and could not help.

Her rent was due, and her baby had no milk.

Suddenly there was a loud knock on her door. she

opened it and discovered a short stout woman, all

dressed in green, wearing a green derby with

sprigs of clover in the band. She asked to come in, 

saying that she was new to the village, and was visiting 

her neighbors. The widow was glad for the company, 

and she shared her tale of woe.

May I help you? asked the lady in green, pouring out

two fists of gold coins on the table. 

I am wealthy, and I like you; let me take away your

troubles.

But I have nothing I can give you in return.

There is something in this cottage that I do want.

If you give me what I ask for, you will get a pot of

gold.

What do I have of any value?

Without hesitation the woman said: I want

your baby.

Oh my God, no! I could never give up my son. 

Isn’t there anything else I could do for you?

The old woman was silent for a moment: I know

that you have guessed that I am the Fairy Queen.

If I take your son, you will become rich beyond

measure. You can get a new husband and have

other children.

What you propose is so cruel.

Let me lighten your burden. By fairy law, I cannot

take your son for three days. Also, I must give you

an alternative. When I return, if you can guess my

name, you can keep all the money and your baby.

With that she stood, and left the house .

Being conflicted as to what to do next, she did not

sleep for two days. On the morning of the third day, 

she awoke to find a fat smiling mouse sitting at the

foot of the bed. Fear not, for I am a magic mouse,

and I live in the walls. I witnessed your predicament,

and I want to help you. The Fairy Queen preys on

poor widows and she must be stopped. Fairies are

not nice to mice either. Her name is Dowdy Doot.

The widow was overjoyed. The next day, around noon,

the woman in green returned. She picked up a cooking

pot and filled it with shiny gold coins. 

How many guesses do I get?

As many as you want.

The widow spent an hour guessing names--Welsh,

Irish, English and biblical. The woman kept shaking

her head No. Suddenly the widow stood up and shook

her finger in the woman’s face: Shame on you for

taking advantage of widow’s misery! Your damn name

is Dowdy Doot! Now, be gone!

The Fairy Queen grew red with rage. The front door blew

open. She screamed like a banshee, morphed into a

cloud of brownish-green smoke, and flew up the chimney.

The widow bought a fine house, and raised her son--giving

him a great education. The son became a lawyer, and then

a judge, bringing down and locking up the Red Robbers.

Glenn Buttkus

Posted over at dVerse Poets Pub--Poetics